|Monday, August 6th|
It was a nerve wrecking kind of day today. With Pokey and her first day of school. My ability to take a perfectly normal situation like my child getting on the bus in the afternoon and riding over to her daycare and making it out like an end of the world type thing. Well, potentially anyway. Things went well, I went to the school around lunch to confirm she would be getting on the correct bus and called the daycare to make sure she made it. I only called once, well maybe twice! Just glad things went well.
|My big 3rd grader|
Mama Monkey Butt went in today for CTscans on her brain again. I told you all that she was done with her radiation a couple of weeks ago. Now she is completely bald and hating it. With chemo her hair didn't fall out completely. It's gone now. It looks fine. She won't agree, but whatever!
Please God lets pray that the radiation got rid of the cancer in her brain. Things seem to get back to normal and she's acting like Mama Monkey Butt and then something clicks in my brain. It's like I remember everything that's going on, everything that has happened. I feel like a selfish brat because I don't want her to go through this, I don't want her to be sick, I don't want her to have cancer. I want it to all go away and then I remember her words "It's killing me" and I'm a mess all over again. I wish she would keep fighting, I know that she is. She's strong, she's amazing, She's my Mama Monkey Butt and I wouldn't want anyone else. No one could have done, is doing, and better job at raising good kids, because that's what she did.
But I don't want Mama Monkey Butt to have cancer, I don't want her to be sick. I want her God, your God, my God, to make it all go away. Show this woman some mercy and take it all away. That's what I want, but I'm so scared. I don't know what to do, what to say, or what to think.
I'm done and I'm sorry but I guess I just had to get that out. Thanks for reading, if you've made it this far!
Hang in there!
(I guess that's all we can do huh?)