So my baby, who is not so much a baby (or so she would say) is 8 years old, already. Don't ask me, I've no idea how that come to be. Just yesterday she was laying with her face smashed against the webbing of the play pen and BAM she's almost as tall as me and a helluva a lot cooler than I ever was, am or will be. Like for serious, I go to lunch with her most weeks and there are kids all over the place saying "Hey pokey" (of course they don't call her that). Kids that aren't even in her class, I'm like who the hell is that kid!?? tee hee. She is a cool kid though and as sweet as can be. From what her teacher tells me. Why doesn't she act like that at home then? Damn!
|<3 My girl is sweet <3|
Back to the post.... So here lately I see all my friends and their babies or they're expecting babies. Yesterday at the ear Dr a girl comes in with her 'baby'. He wasn't a new born or anything. He was big enough to hold his toys and drool, though I doubt he could walk or anything. I spot Pokey checking him out.
You all hear me bitching and moaning about how fat I am. How I want to lost weight and blah blah blah, lets leave that alone. Well Pokey tells me when I say something that I'm having a baby because I'm getting fat. Awe that's so sweet huney, to think she thinks I'm having a baby instead of just being fat. Pretty flattering, but it's not true. I'm NOT having any babies.
This makes me feel bad, a little. Mainly because I catch her spotting kids, babies and just aweing them. It's terrifying to think she will grow up and want one of those! I can't fathom the idea of making any more babies though. I mean to think about it makes me cringe, makes the bile in the deepest depths of my stomach curdle up and topple to the top! It's disgusting really. Does it make sense for me to feel guilty? I know with all that I am that it isn't something I want. To put my whole life on hold, again so that I can play mommy to a baby? Really? I mean, I'm in my 30's already. I've no real career, I've no money for childcare for a baby and well I've overloaded as is it. Work, home, life. Where the fuck is there any time for more kids? Pokey and Mr Monkey Butt both this it's a sweet idea, I think perhaps because they don't know the work that goes into it. The constant worry I have even with my 8 year old, imagine doing all the worry with babies again. Let alone the stress. I've said it before, I will say it again. It's too late for me. The age, the lack of things, it just isn't right for me.....
Those of you has more than one, how do you do it? I may never know.
But I salute you and genuinely am looking to hear every ones thoughts on this one :) Hang in there Dingleberries.