Don't judge me!

source

An issue that has always bothered me. Always been in the back of my head. I'm 30 years old, 5 foot 7 inches and am weighing about 130 pounds as of right now.  This i my nightmare.  It strangely effects my daily life, everything I do or think. Every time I eat something I have this instant guilt. I look down and see this HUMONGOUS stomach poking out at the desk or the table. I feel my sides over flowing my shirts and laughing at me when I move.

I'm suffering with his horrid fat life I'm living and I can't  stop eating.

I've never had it this bad, never in my  life. The most I weighed was like 125, How the fuck did I manage to get to this weight????

Please, don't judge me, don't tell me "oh girl your aren't fat"...  That doesn't help!!!  Any of you with any sort of weight issue know it doesn't make you feel any better to be told you aren't too fat or you aren't too skinny.  Shut the fuck up!! All I want to do is lose these 15 pounds I've packed on since I quit smoking.

I don't want to be fat anymore.  Help!

source

I've started running, as often as I can around the apartment complex and if  I can get  over that way tomorrow, I'm hoping to join the gym near home.  I'm trying to be optimistic. I'm a realist you know.  I want NEED to do this....  I CAN DO THIS.... Right?

Day 355, 365 days of 2011

Friday, December 30th, 2011

T*G*I*F*

I guess!  I think my happiness comes because it's pretty miserable sitting all day, at my desk, with no smoke breaks.  I think that's what I hate the most about that whole quit smoking decision.  There really isn't anything else to kill time with at work.  Yea, figures.

But oh wells.  Managed to pick up some stuffs tonight and order the cake for Pokey's birfday party.  We got her a pinata, she seemed pretty happy about this.  I'm worried about some poor kids face, but hey, play at your own risk.    Sounds good right?

So tomorrow is New Years Eve. I need to pick up a few things to ring in the New Year. Maybe some funny hats or a couple of fire crackers or something.  Maybe, we will see. I kinda like the idea of going to bed before then, but I can only imagine Pokey won't have any part of agreeing with that. 

I need to take Rhino to the vet tomorrow.  UGH.  I have to try and find the phone number for that place.  I derno if I will get so lucky.

"This Devil Inside" movie looks fucking crazy.  Hells I'm scared just to go to bed now, thanks TV...

And yes this is like a random Tuesday or something isn't it.  The most random blog I've had in a minute.

I'm also wanting to  thinking about posting a series of posts to wrap up my year 2011.  Though unless I bust mucho arse tomorrow I won't get  it done before 2012 begins.  Yea, so not sure that even really matters.

Goodnight Dingleberries, more randomness to come tomorrow I'm sure of it.  In the event this is all you will be reading, Happy New Years!

Day 353 and 354, 365 days of 2011

Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

Decided to quit smoking today... Well last night technically.  Stupid idea in case you didn't know!

Max decided to break his... dewclaw... stupid little extra claw that hangs out on his leg. I think those things must be like a damn gall bladder or something.  Serves no damn good purpose except to cause problems in the future.  I have no fargin idea how he managed to break this claw. 
Last thing I know (or see, rather) Pokey and Max are playing chase down the hall way and here comes the doggie screams.  Yea, sounded pretty damn painful and he's been a total girl about it.  No idea what to do with a broken dewclaw, from what I gather, ya get over it!  Thanks Google...

Thursday, December 29th, 2011

Yea...So I still haven't smoked... It's day 2 and I blogged about it earlier (just click here).  As well as today is Monkey Butt Thursday. You Dingleberries need to get off my arse and check those blogs out.  Shut your mouth I will get to reading more blogs as soon as I'm done posting this one.  You guys already know what you posted, you've no idea where I could be going with this one (yea it's probably going NO WHERE) but that is beside the point.  Just keep reading and then I will do my reading and everyone will be happy.  Right? Right!

Updater's on Max... Yea, he's still limping around being a girl about his broken toe nail.  I've no idea what to do about it honestly and though he seems to act better at times, he totally flips his lid again if he hits it on something.  So now Max needs  a vet?  I've no idea, I'm going to ride it out for a few days and see what happens. Rhino, the guinea pig, also needs a vet.  His eye keeps gooping up.  Gawd I should have been a pet free home. shit shit shit!  So  checking Rhino today his eye is looking all craptastic again, I cleaned it up the best I could.  I gotta get myself together tomorrow and call the vet for him. He needs his claws trimmed also. There has to be a better way for that. I can't see me running to the vet every time he needs a trim.  Again, should have stayed a pet free house.  Lolz. 

Well I hope you all enjoyed this edition of A Day (or 2) in the Life of a Monkey Butt. 

Have a Happy Friday tomorrow Dingleberries, Cya laters.

Kicking the Habit... Day 2

more info here

I chose a tasty option A over option B today.  Though I'm not entirely sure what the difference is.  My link above explains a little more for option A.  For those who are lazy, what you're looking at here is the Nutrition Facts for an order of Cheese sticks at Captain D's.  One of my guilty pleasures I guess one might call it.  And of course option B is a photo of my typical brand of smokes..

So today I indulged with my guilty pleasure. As I'm enjoying said guilty pleasure, of course I begin to feel guilty.  For those who don't already know, I've stopped smoking (again).  I'm on day #2 and it's going.... OKAY.   Oh who am I kidding. I could snap  neck bones of innocent bystanders, tackle down the biggest football players and toss them out of the game.  I've so much stress and frustration I tend to catch myself wondering why the fuck am I even trying to quit smoking. As of this moment, this one right here, that I'm telling you about now, I'VE NO IDEA WHY I'VE STOPPED SMOKING.  I think perhaps I've caught myself at a moment of weakness at a peak of really wanting a cigarette and telling you Dingleberries all about it isn't helping me, not one bit. 

Back to what I was saying, I stopped in and bought one of my favorites for lunch today while  I was out.  Cheese Sticks and a coke from Captain D's.  I suddenly thought to myself, I haven't bought any smokes, can I not feel bad about this purchase with that being said?   I think my insanity has let me come to peace with this purchase and that it is OK that I spent the 3 bucks and bought this for lunch, because you know why, I haven't bought cigarettes, in like 2 days.  So boooyah!  I'm not going to let myself feel bad about that at all.

I do however feel kinda bad that those cheese sticks, of course I ate all 8 of them.  FYI, Cheese sticks and coca cola is a trigger food.  I don't think I've wanted a cigarette as bad as the moment I finished eating those cheese sticks in the last 2 days.  UGH!  Aparently those cheese sticks have like how many... 500 something calories and countless other things.  So honestly, I can't come up with any reason why cigarettes are any worse for you than anything else?!  Food for thought, ya think?

Note to self:: Don't indulge in to many of your favorites on this road to kicking the smoking habit.  You might end up like this....

How fitting a Monkey Butt huh?  (I know I know, that's not really a monkey)

Oh, sensory overload... Does that seem like a side effect from nicotine withdrawl?  I'm getting it from some where, every where it seems.  Heyalp!

It has hit home...

Yesterday, 11/7/2011, Mom was to go in for chemo therapy. She responded to my message via text  yesterday while she was at the Doctor. I assumed they were in the middle of chemo treatments, she said they were to being at 11am.  Surprised me when she said that they would be bringing by a basket of stuff I had forgotten at her house during the move.  

It was refreshing to see my Mom yesterday,  I hadn't seen her since Saturday. 

To get to the point, they hadn't done any chemo treatments yesterday, they gave her her PET scan results. 

They've found more cancer in the bottom of her lung as well as along the nodes in her chest area, bronchial area. The news/information was a bit vague and I can't read Dr language.  I wish I knew everything that was going on right now, but I don't. I think that is the part that makes it the hardest, just not knowing.

I'd found the light at the end of  the tunnel with everything they were saying up until yesterday. Now I'm lost in the darkness again.  They said it will be better news if the cancer in her lung is different that than in her breast, not sure why.  They are attempting to get approval from the insurance company to do a biopsy on her lung cancer.  If it's something different, it's from smoking. Mom asked me to stop smoking and I'm going to.

You that know me and have followed me for  a bit know that I have attempted to battle that demon on many occasion, her asking me yesterday and then coming home to a pamphlet my daughter made at school about smoking and black lungs made a definite.  I'm going to stop smoking... again!

So now we wait, again, still. It's the worst thing ever.  I'm trying to be hopeful and to not let it bother me too much. It's a strange time right now.

Day 48, 365 Days of 2011

Can you believe it's been almost 50 days since I began this project. I've fallen down a couple of times, let myself down and flunked out one or 3 days.  So far!  I'm trying.. It's hard for me, someone who doesn't usually stick to projects and ideas that randomly fly through my thoughts from day to day.  So far this year, I've had 3 projects!

1.)Obviously this one!  Sticking with it. No worries people, you aren't getting off so easily this time!

2.)Quit smoking. I'm still smoke free, pushing what 4 weeks now.  High Fives!  I R proud of myself. I still ache and desire to smoke cigarettes, buuuut, and this leads to project #3

3.)Train for the police physical test. Sonofabitchmotherofpearl.  I find myself, from time to time, on the treadmill wishing I could just GIVE UP. I have yet to do that.  For that I am glad! 

Still going strong, trying to keep my head together. It's loaded with trash, confusion and just blogging thoughts.  Along with everything else I've got going on, you all know by now.

Another late night on facebook and blogger. Yawn! 

Day 40, 41 & 42, 365 days of 2011

HOLY SHIT I NEED A VACATION!

Let me start by apologizing for falling behind on my photos.  I am trying, damnit!  It's been a busy time. I mean it when I say I need a vacation, but in reality it will all be here waiting for me when I get back. Thinking I may need more than a vacation! 

DAY 40.......

Oh. Lovely.... Was waiting in my daughters room for her to get out of the bathroom!  See her lovely pink walls, which I have to cover in the next few weeks and rawking the Justin Bieber posters.  That girl makes me feel like a kid in love with a rock star everytime I walk into her room.  haha.. BIEBER FEVER!  Kind of a strange looking photo, maybe the lighting is throwing it off, oh well.   Will just have to do!

DAY 41......

Definitely not one of my favorite pics of the year, but shit, I don't think I had the time to take any other pictures..  Oops!  So day 41 was indeed V-day, Valentines Day, my ex hubby called it "Singles Awareness Day"  that made me giggle...  I did receive some chocolates yesterday, and a card. I think the best moment of yesterday was rushing to Walmart to get my daughter something sweet for V-day.  I found her an adorable stuffed toy and some mints.  Stuck them in my front seat, pulling the tags off and racing to daycare to pick her up.  I asked her where she was sitting for the short ride home and when she opted for the front see I told her it was already taken. She peeked in the window and smiled really big.  She gave me a big hug and sweet thank you.  My heart melted. When we got into the car, she hugged the pet, hugged my neck and gave me smooches. BEST VALENTINES DAY EVER!

Day 41.... Wait!  That's today!  Yes!!!  So here we are... Low and Behold. I am officially caught up with my 365 days of pics posts.  It's unfortunate I had to mash 3 days together like this, but it's a nice change of pace and kills what? 3 birds with one stone?  Or something like that. Oh well.. Today is.... Just another day in paradise!  Oh. Yay!  I'm wishing for a nice hot beach with a bottle of water and maybe some sunscreen.  That's iffy, cause my white arse needs some tanning. Oh how I'm longing for summer to get here!  Ah to dream! 

Last night....was hard.  Not only was I able to try and explain why kitty is going to the vet tomorrow, I've got a million things on my plate right now, along side my mental instabilities, I've got the cat, the moving, the gym, my being tired, aunt flow just came into town, TMI I know, but whatever!  We're all grown ups here, I believe my post lets you know it's intended for adults when coming to it anyway!  haha... 

And well there is my mom who needs support right now, I'm so far away and am not being such a good daughter, cause I didn't call her all weekend, did see her on Sunday, but that isn't enough right now. I'm tired bloggers, readers and followers, and it's only 11am!  Help me?!!  Well there isn't much help for me right now.  Nothing can make it all go away, unless of course there is a magic wand laying around that can make everything all better. But I wouldn't stop there, that wouldn't be enough.  I need to just start all over and make it all new again, keeping few select important players in this game of life. 

This game of life, is a tough one, the times I feel I need to throw in the towel and just lay down and give up. I don't.  Why is that?  It would be so much easier. Some things can change, but I'm not one of those things.  Really I'm not. I may be the most stubborn person I know. But I take pride in this shit I try and accomplish. I just hope these dreams I have, not the ones where I'm smoking, those are the best!  haha... Kidding.. Still non smoker. But I dream about smoking, it's unfair!  I wouldn't, couldn't change a thing right now. I enjoy my busy hecktic life, sometimes.  I am so very excited to hear my dear longest, bestest, friend who live in NC is coming for a visit this weekend... *JUMPS FOR JOY* I miss her so very much a lot of times, it will be so nice to see her again, really soon! 

Have a great day everyone.. It's Tuesday. Oh. Yay. I've many things to do today, not enough time to do them in and well, it maybe another late night for me.  Oh.Double.Yay!  I hope to get back to you again today, being as I had some awesome ideas last night for posting... Lets hope... Or I will anyways! 

Day 36, 365 days of 2011.

Day 36!  Another day in paradise!  That's what I call work, Paradise, my sarcasm laid on pretty thick! 

So it was a typical day at work, boring, as always, you know the drill.  People annoy me at times.  I did have a threat today though, haha... Said he should have shot my driver for impounding his van.  Lovely. He never showed up today.  What a shame. I was interested to see just how blue in the face he would be when he came in.  Mad people are funnier that dumb people.  Just sayin'!

Was glad when it all ended for the day. As you all may have noticed. I blogged like mad today.  Making up for my sorry arseness over the weekend, haha.  I'm sorry if it's an overload!  Sowwy!  It was fun though... :)

I've got more... haha.. I'm thinking of adding it here, so that I don't have to run on and on with different posts.  Just throwing in my RANDOM BABBLES.  Haven't seen enough of that today, have we? 

So... yes.... I picked up some  new shoes, well new to me, at Goodwill last night, they are flippin A-DORABLE!  Seeee....  I love this shoe!  It's so cute and so adorable.  It's love at first sight!  I mentioned out loud, not on here, that I wanted some backless shoes. I had a pair of Skechers many years ago that were backless and adorable also. I miss them.  These will do!

Speaking of love at first sight.  It is official. I am in love with this lady!  Like for real!  Without a doubt, if I met her I'd be a star struck psycho fan!  hahaha...

And just for shits and giggles, here is a video for your viewing pleasure!

It doesn't appear to be very big, but RAWKS anyway you look at it :)  Oh just check it out, you know you want to! 

And lets wrap this shiz up, shall we, someone asked me earlier... Oh crap...  Oh yes...  Sam asked me about my non smoking.  Yes Sam I am indeed still a non smoker. I am still wearing the nicotine patches.  I find it definitely means more survivors if I stick that little patch on me!  Haha.. The poor souls around me will make it through another day!

I'm working out super hard as often as possible and within reason, I pushed a little tooo hard the other day and hurt like shiz for 2 days, but I'm back on it again. I'm doing my best!  I am determined to get this police thang DOWN!  Someone tell me though, how does someone who doesn't eat meat get amino acids?  Isn't that the word I'm looking for, damn now I'm just not sure, I'm getting a yes from the "Mr." here!  *high fives*  ps... I love the steam room. LOVE IT!

You rawk bloggers and bloggettes!  Hope to read lots of stuff soon, but let me add, for those that know her, what happened to spitfire? Jobonster?  I miss reading her rambles!  :)

Day 35, 365 days of 2011

Happy Day 35 of my project  y'all!  It's Tuesday!  Oh. Yay!  And how are you today?  It's a good day. I pushed myself to jog slightly last night while at the gym. I couldn't help it. My legs were aching, but what can I say, I'm determined!  That's all I can be.  I enjoy my not so boring days here at work, but I've been doing this job long enough.  There is no more money to make here, I need MORE! I need a change!  I need more money, I need insurance. I need vacations. I need MORE!  Wait!  I already said that!  So I have leg muscle now.  Oh wow.  That's new. I think I even have a little arm muscle, Awe, weee!
So my picture today makes me skin look soft, white?  Or is it my eyes. I've compared it to yesterday, I'm sure it's the lighting and the direction in which the camera is looking, but whatevski. I think i may have found my good side?  Although that changes from day to day!

I'm struggling with a post on an award I've accepted, it's pissing me off.  haha...  What is up with that.  Why is it when I'm pissed, stressed, angry, mad, happy, sad, glad, upset, ANY EMOTION POSSIBLE! I desire to smoke!  HA! Weird!  But I'm not smoking. I know I keep going back and forth with this. But still smoke free, still unsure how many days it's been also!

I'm heading back to work, or should I say, to think about lunch. I think it's a Zaxby's kind of day! Oh. how I heart Zaxby's! Have a great Tuesday readers, followers and fellow bloggers!  I'm off to do....Something!

Day 34, 365 days of 2011

Happy Monday folks?  And a happier day 34.  One of my problems yesterday, aside the painful stabbing while walking or moving, lack of nicotine. I didn't want to rawk the nicotine patch to the gym for Yoga and the steam room as well as hot tub wanted to release the sticky from the patch, so rather than risk losing it, I didn't wear it!

I did okay at the gym!  No thoughts of suicide or killing those poor innocent ladies at the gym, doing the yoga!  Oh.My.Gawd. I had no idea Yoga was so boring. I do not like it. Not one bit. But they tell me I need to be a little more flexible so I know I will be doing it again, blah! I woke up in pain. I thought the yoga would help my sore from a week of rigorous exercise and make me feel better. HA HA HA!  NO!  I didn't  feel better. Actually may have made me feel a little worse. I did the hot tub and steam room again, both of which can be oh so relaxing!    Lets get back to it, shall we?

So to my faithful readers and followers, I apologize for not blogging all weekend, I usually do better than that.  I mean for real. I have been doing a lot better. Something about this week. It ran my batteries dead and me too. I was feeling like pure hell. I think Im back to a relatively new me right now.  I made it extremely early to party A on Saturday and only slightly late to party B on Sunday. I was able to lock my keys in my car at party B. Which sucks, but the window was slightly down and they were able to get into it with a coat hanger. Whew!  Key was nestled in my purse, laughing at my misfortune. I wanted to CHOKE anything that moved in my house last night and wanted to smoke a damn cigarette to make me feel better. though I knew it wouldn't.  I didn't smoke. To be honest, I've lost count as to how many days it has really been smoke free here.  lol.  But I made it out alive!  yay for nicotine patch this morning. Im hopelessly addicted.  haha.

My daughter had an ear Dr. appointment this morning, which worked out well, because she was complaining with pain yesterday. Sonofabitch her tubes are clargged ( http://whatsonyourmindmonkeybutt.blogspot.com/2010/12/clargged.html ).  Still makes me giggle.  GAWDAMNSONOFABITCH is how I'm feeling! So they attempt to "vacuum" out her ears, only to hurt her and make her cry. Im not happy, ready to choke Mr. Nice Dr. and smack the nurse holding my daughters head.  Poor bugger. She will hate the ear Dr. as much as she hates the dentist when this is over.   (And I just hung up with the dentist. Shh Im not telling her till next month she has to go, lol ) Poor thing!  And in a week if the tubes are still clargged I guess they attempt the vacuum again, hopefully the drops will clear them to avoid such vacuuming. If not, then we are off to get new tubes. DAMNITALLTOHELL.  Tell me this is normal?!  Shit!

So today is better. My dahlin daughter felt better, I carted her arse off to school and headed in to work. YES!  Money is always nice!  Next week we do it all over again, oh.yippie!

Just glad it's a better day. How are you blogger world?

Day 30, 365 days of 2011

Day 30!

My typical forgot to do it earlier photo!  haha.. As I've already posted a couple of days ago.  I need more sleep!

I didn't do this post yesterday and I'm sorry but my posts are going to be short for the weekend, but am trying to keep up with my days!

Save room for day 31...  hahah.. I told you I was a day behind. Altho I did take my photos, just didn't post them.  Slight pat on the back!

STILL SMOKE FREE!  YES!

Goodnight by readers, followers and fellow bloggers.

Day 29, 365 days of 2011

Dear Day 29,
This woman is tired. I need more sleep.  I enjoy being so busy at work on this lovely ground hog day.  I wasn't able to see the movie today, but it's OK.  I need sleep more than anything else.

I think even my picture shows my need for sleep. Oh well though, other things to do and say, I guess.

We went to the health club or gym or whatever you are suppose to call those places.  I was overwhelmed with that place. Touring through it is definitely easier than actually running in there and jumping on a machine, a machine I have no idea how to operate.  I'm hopeful to be able to check it out a little better tomorrow and see what classes they offer, maybe cut down on some of the feeling overwhelmed.  Putting a weight on everything I'm attempting to do goes to show how puny I really am.  Sad!  I'm not sure I got over 20 pounds on anything.  Was on a...running...machine and went  a mile on that thang, in like 19 minutes or something.  Damn!  My goal is a mile in like 14 mins.  Damn Damn Damn. I've got a lot of work ahead of me.  If it weren't for my dedication to this career change I'm shooting for, this shit is definitely not for me!  I can't wait until it's all over, I pass my physical test stuff and I can sit down, preferably in the sunshine on a bench in like 85 or 90 degree weather and smoke a fucking cigarette!  That's right!  I said it!  SMOKE A CIGARETTE!  That will be the tastiest cigarette ever!  I will attempt to not smoke anymore after that !  haha.. I'm still smoke free, I've lost count.. Maybe day 6.  It amazes me how the smallest things I do make me want a cigarette.  It seems like I need a complete overhaul on my life or something.  Very depressing. I like me. I like my routines, most of them.  It's terribly upsetting to know that one alteration like not smoking is going to somehow affect what seems like EVERYTHING I do. 

I'm at a lose for moving... Ugh, damn what else can I pile on to the top of all this shit I've got going on right now!  Really?!! There has to be something else.  Oh well, I will come up with it tomorrow.  Goodnight my readers, fellow bloggers and followers.  It's a good day!  Even better night now that I'm crashing.. .haha

Day 28, 365 days of 2011

Hello Day 28!  For all of my fellow bloggers, readers and followers, if you are up North-ish and buckling down for the winter weather that's upon you, I am sorry. If it makes you feel any better, warmer, whatever. It's cold and rainy down here and we are apparently in the flood zones.  Yay!  I want my warm weather! NOW!  I'm still busy at work, blah!  I think I left there today, feeling slightly accomplished that perhaps I managed to file all the shit that has been piling up this year!  Gah!  New Years at work, has never been so messy, and I've been there 6 years now, sheesh!
Today was pretty productive, if you didn't catch that from above.  And tonight, out of curiosity we ventured to a "health club"  just to check out it and see what all they had to offer, I blogged the other night I was becoming bored, with no intentions of giving up on, my exercise!  So of course we venture out in this oh so LOVELY awful rainy weather and check out the local fitness club. It was slightly overwhelming and didn't look like the place for me, they had crazy rules and we will throw you out and take away your membership if you do A,B or C.  And blah blah. Then of course we go to the bigger oh so fabulous "health club".  To wrap this up, I am now a member of a "health club" with a physical trainer and a lot of classes to choose from.  Plus the kiddo was only 6 bucks a month, whewt!  She will love the pool and rock climbing! 

I'm still smoke free, believe it maybe like day 5 or so.  Still rawking the nicotine patch. Excited for tomorrow. I get to try out my new "health club" if I don't have an anxiety attack while my daughter is busy playing in the kids area, eeep! 

Goodnight my fellow bloggers, readers and oh so faithful followers. I'm sure one day I may have something to talk about other than me!  haha... Cya tomorrow!

Day 27, 365 days of 2011

Dearest Day 27,
Looks like my days will be filled with indoor shots for a while.  Due to lack of smoking I don't get to venture outside at work anymore, so I won't be getting many shots while at work.  I'm hopeful when the time changes along with the weather that I will be able to get some better, sunny, outdoorsy photos.  *fingers crossed* for such luck,. this cold weather is getting OLD, if I haven't made it clear enough, I HATE WINTER, COLD RAINS, SNOW AND AWFULNESS.  I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL SPRING, PREFERABLY SUMMER GETS HERE!  Got it?  Good!  So television is terribly boring, I don't have much interest in it, would rather not watch anything they are airing right now. Of course it's impossible to get outside.  I can't decide if I want to put a trunk rack on my car or go all out and purchase a towing hitch to put under my CAR!  I just don't know. I'm not sure which would be better or if it even matters?!  I just want to be able to take my bike somewhere, without having to actually ride it there!  Is that so hard to understand?  So I've yet to decide, be cheap and just go for the rack that somehow, I'm not sure how they do that, attaches to my trunk?  Or trailer hitch.  Ugh I don't know.  I will decide later, because now I'm off to chase my dahlin' daughter off to bed and make sure the Nintendo DS is closed and not in play.  She is so silly!  Well under roughly 3 blankets and approx 13 toys the DS was indeed open and in play! 

So it's day 4 of my quit smoking project *grumbles*. Today was for some reason harder than any of the 3 before. I'm not entirely sure, perhaps it was the going back to work and school routine, getting up on time, late as usual, and dragging my dahlin daughter out of the bed at the last minute.  I hate that she is like me in regards to sleeping habits.  Ugh!  How to train your child to get out of bed when it's time!  Hey she's back in the living room, for absolutely NO REASON!  *grumbles*.  Now to chase to her off to bed again, OMG, perhaps this is why she doesn't get up on time, maybe it's because she is to busy staying up late, running back into the living room to ask me, "when are you going to bed?"  "it's past YOUR bedtime"  Well yes dahlin it is past my bedtime, because you are not asleep yet and are continuously running into the living room to ask me, why Im not in bed yet?!!   *grumbles*

I need a cigarette, I refuse to smoke a cigarette though.  Makes me....sad.  Oh well, tomorrow is another day, I'm hopeful it's better than today!  To all of my readers followers and fellow bloggers, if you've helped me cope through this task of mine (quit smoking) thank you for your support and kind words!  I lub ya!

ps... I did my exercise tonight, I felt bad though ,because I cut it short out of frustration because Im getting bored with the routine.  I need some change and some other things to do. I'm bored with situps/crunches and pushups- the girly ones.  BORING!  I need a gym!  I need more money to afford the gym.  2nd job? I think so.. Now to find the 2nd job in this horrid economy! 

Day 26, 365 days of 2011

Day 26, whew, can safely say, glad that this day 26 is almost over, well as soon as I finish this post and catch up on my readings....

It was a very busy Sunday here in the land of Doria.  I was in no hurry to drag my smokeless arse out of bed!  I didn't want the shower that was awaiting my arrival.  Didn't really want to taste the morning coffee without my morning cigarette.  It's day 3 of my quit smoking project.  3 projects in such a short year, so far, is really beginning to become bothersome.  I'm still on board with all 3 though *pats self on back*.  So today, after the cat fight in the kitchen between the 2 "non-smokers" in this house, I made it a point, to get my arse in gear, I scooped everything off my daughters floor and tossed it on her bed.  Vacuumed it up and put her to work to putting it all away!  Moved on to laundry and cleaning my own mess of a bedroom.  moved to the kitchen and made lunch for my daughter and some leftover pizza for myself.  Then it was OUTSIDE time.  It's 60 fucking degrees, lets get the HELL out of this house.  I NEED SUNSHINE!  We went to the park, yay, took the fearless, princess, still nameless car so she could visit the car wash.  She is all shiny and purdy now! *high fives*.  So we are on the way to the park, YAY!  Then off to skating!  Bought my daughter new skates for birthday and have only had time to break them in once, now twice!  YES!  It was a lot of fun, before and after the busted knee, of mine, and rug burn on my elbow.  Ugh!  Plus my feet hurt!  GAH!  With all of that, it was fun! 

Like I said before, glad this day is done!  I would enjoy have many more like it, very soon. I'm sure it's not in the cards again for a couple of weeks.. Damn! 

On another note, the skating rink today, was like an 80's nightmare! I mean WHOA!  Where and when did all the 80's gear and clothing come back in style?!  We attended an 80's party last year and that too was a nightmare, but this was....different...  I guess. I'd imagine it was all 80's and then some.  I'm hopeful we caught a couple of snapshots in there today, one of which was definitely worth a thousand words, very 80's-arific if I do say so myself.  These KIDS were rawking the one glove bright colored tights, tutu looking things with sparkles and rainbows.  fishnets!  Shoulder shirts!  Neon colored tank tops!  You name it.  There was a whole group of them. I'm curious as to if they just choose to dress this way or if someone thought it was a good idea to toss an 80's party at the skating rink.  I.was.confused.  Is this happening everywhere?

Goodnight my fellow bloggers, readers and followers.  I'm off to bedsy!  Cya tomorrow!

Day 25, 365 days of 2011.

Day 25, and what a lovely Saturday it was.  I had to work today, BOO to that.  It ate up most of my Saturday but at least I made some extra cash doing it!  Can't complain about that, being I'm a broke arse this week!  La-La-La!  The weather was so super awesome today, yay!Work flew by, the smokers on the lot made me nuts, but of course, I can't smoke... Can I?  haah... It's day 2 of my quitting.  I've not smoked in 2 days, I'm still rawking the patch.  Had my thoughts this morning about not wearing it today, but I did.  I didn't have the urges to light up today, I felt a craving from time to time, but no real urges. I'm hopeful soon I will be done with that. I don't feel like wearing these patches for the eternity that they are saying you have to wear them.  I don't think I have to do that, I think I have more will power than that.  I ran some today, wasn't to bad, but I've not exercised in a couple of days. Erg!  I'm worried about a heartastroke or something wearing this nicotine patch.  The box as well as the information they included doesn't really tell much of warnings.  Could it be there aren't any?  So it's day 2 of my quit smoking.  I am glad for that.  Smoke free for 2 days!  That's some kind of record for me!  SPEAKING OF RECORDS.  I think I may have a record on my hair.  It's been red for the whole month of January, of a red nature.  Actually it may have been red back in December.  Holy Hell!  This is a record for me?  I've a couple of days left, should I go ahead and change it now?!  I'm kidding, or am I?! 

Goodnight my readers, followers and fellow bloggers! I'm hopeful tomorrow will be as good, weather wise, as today was. I'm excited with this warm weather!  I hope everyone else is staying warm as well! 

Day 1....

I posted this pic the other day but in light of today's importance I feel it necessary to post again.  Today is the QUITTING DAY!  I affixed the patch to my right arm this morning, *cries inconsolably*. I miss my cigarettes already. But damn it!  I'm quitting!  It's just the day 1 talking there.  At first I was a little on edge with the patch.  Felt some nausea as well as anxiety.  But low and behold, I'm still here, no nervous breakdown (yet)!  I'm feeling....energetic? today!  It's a pretty good day,  sadly I am missing the sunshine I would soak up on my adventures, outdoors, to smoke the bastard cigarettes!  But I shall venture out later for lunch at which point maybe I can get some much needed sunlight then!

My last cigarette last night (see pic). I made sure not to search for the leftovers this morning, only ran to the kitchen, after throwing my clothes on and stuck the patch on.  Strangest thing, I awoke this morning, like 6:30 am before the alarm is set to sound, which I won't hear anyway, thinking about smoking. I never do that.  I think the thoughts of NOT smoking made me wake up and think about smoking. WEIRD!

So to the point, it's day 1 and so far there are only a few dead bodies piled up under my desk. Stay away from me today, I'm kidding. It's not so bad. My coffee wasn't very satisfying today and I think I can safely say I didn't really finish a single cup of coffee today.  What's for lunch and how will that be without my beloved?  I'm just not sure.  Am definitely hawngry right now though.  No worries, I'm not packing my face in remorse of my lost beloved.  I think I can I think I can!  I will ring out VICTORY when I'm done.  Maybe more like "FREEEEDOM"!

Good day my fellow bloggers, readers and followers!   My 365 days post will come later, if I can find the time to take the picture.

 Ps... I'm totally lerving the new Droid phone my sister now owns.. Any reviews?

Day 23, 365 days of 2011

Day 23 you say?

This was taken this morning before the sun shines the way that it is RIGHT NOW!  I am so happy to see the sun today.  You've no idea!  As you all know, I LOATHE cold weather.  I'm seriously thinking about relocating to South America next year for the winter.  Damn you winter!  Back to what I was saying.  We're suppose to see high 50's today, weather wise, I cannot wait for it to hit it's high!  So excited. Can hardly stand the wait!

So today I've decided to try and quit smoking, again. I've been over and over this in my head and my desire to WANT to quit is severely lacking.  I don't WANT to quit I HAVE to quit!  I was talking to my Mom last night on the phone and she reminded me that maybe I should spend the money to actually quit. I've told her of my wants and needs and well it's understandable.  Oddly enough, as I've said before, I enjoy smoking.  Odd I know!  I've smoked for so long that it just makes sense. Alas I've other things on my agenda this year and I simply MUST quit smoking. I'm hitting the Walgreen's today and picking up some nicotine patches.  The Internet advised me last night that they sell a weeks worth of patches.  It's cheaper that the other boxes.  I'm going to conquer my fear of anxiety and JUST DO IT!  Like Nike says!  Will keep you readers posted on how it's going for me!  hahahaha. I'm hopeful. I'M READY DAMN IT!  I CAN DO THIS!

The picture above reminds me of my goal. I'm working on building muscle right now, what a pain in the arse that is by the way!  So I'm doing a million crunches a day, because I'm such a weeny I can only do like 20 sit ups. I'm doing a million push ups, when my wrist allows.  It didn't allow last night so I walked myself to the door jamb and tried the pull ups.  Ugh!  I'm terrible at those also.  I'm such a weakling!  To the point, I'm doing crunches/sit ups and push ups as well as running/walking on my Gazelle.  Why is  it my belly isn't all ripped and shit. I mean its still looking like pudgy or something, hahah. Like when I sit or reach down my belly pudges up.  That's so frickin annoying.  hahaha... Oh well, maybe I should start doing a million and 5 crunches/situps.  hahah...  Grrrr!!

I'm done for now, have a great Thursday readers, followers and bloggers!