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** Note to reader, before you begin. This is somewhat of a religious post. If you've no interest, please come back later for something no so real! **
I recently found myself aching to attend the church with Mama and Papa MB. It didn't all start with me wanting to find religion. With me seeking answers to this life we live or what God may or may not have planned for me and my life.
It started with the simple desire to participate in something my parents enjoyed doing. Something that brought them some sort of happy.
I felt a pull and decided that when we moved, I would attempt to get a little more involved in the church thing. Try to attend times other than morning service only. I've taken Pokey to the AWANA in the evenings and I've sat through the 6pm service a few times.
It's not so bad....
To the point of the post... I feel as though I'm losing what if any faith I've found so far. With Mama MB's sickness only getting worse and worse. My little bit of faith is turning into anger. This is normal, I know. I've heard of it many times. Someone loses something or someone they love and they blame God for taking them away. For not making them feel better.
But it's happening to me... I've just started the road to seeking out what they say is God here comes the wrench in my chain. Or maybe like the preacher man says.... It's the devil trying to get me!
What do you do?
Hang in there!
God understands if you vent at Him. And if you really listen when you are done, He'll explain some of it to you.
ReplyDeleteYou see, bad things don't happen because of God directly. When Adam sinned he changed it from a blessed world to a fallen world. And we get to live with it in large part because Adam was as perfect and sinless a man as there could be- and if he messed up, ANY of us would have.
Thus we have to struggle on a world in which God has been rejected and thus waits for us to come back to Him. And sometimes when we pray, we ask for things that for whatever reason are just not in God's will. Because His focus is on the bigger picture- getting us to come to Him in heaven.
And what can you do when all you have is blame for Him? All I can say for sure is it involves letting go of the anger and resentment. If you can do that without shouting at Him, wow, send me the secret. But when you have it all out, come to Him for understanding why He's right and you're wrong. If you can let go the anger and come to Him humbly, you will find understanding. Not solutions, not magic cures, but understanding.
I hope this helps. I understand (in part) what you are going through- enough to know God handles everyone different and you'll go through it your way. But I think what I said is pretty much the "universal" points of the thing.
I think you've def covered the "universal" points here. Thank you CW. I'm trying to keep it straight!
DeleteThat was well said and I can't really add anything to it. Keep on keeping on girl.
ReplyDeleteThanks Odie, I'm keeping on keeping on!
DeleteI have taken solace in friends, family and community. Ten years ago, when I really needed support, I participated in a support group for adults struggling with loss. Out of that came my desire to create a 'memory book' dedicated to my dad filled with stories from friends, work colleagues and loved ones who knew him at different points in his life. Having that 'book' is a beautiful reminder of the person whom so many knew, respected and loved.
ReplyDeletexBea
I've thought about seeking a group or something, just to kind of get me away from those I care about. I don't talk well to them. I'm trying to work through the weakness on my own!
DeleteThe devil will always try and challange our faith. After all the lumps I've taken from over a year unemployed, no opportunities and now my sister's cancer, my faith hasn't waivered one bit.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a heavy church goer though. I had poor friends from school that used to go to our church when we were young, one day I overheard some older folks nagging about the old clothes they had to wear to church. I was embarassed to be human!
Their mother was a single Mom with three kids and worked in a sewing factory in the 60's and 70's so she didn't have to depend on the father, or the government. She did the best she could and I was ashamed at the behavior of those church elders.
I lost my repsect for the hypocites, but my faith carries on, I don't have to be in church to pray to God, and I do it often. Especially these days, everyone has some bad things going on, so it seems. There are times I am in a church somewhere, but I know I'm near God, where ever I am.
I would have lost respect for them as well. That's not how people, church goers or not, should be acting. Those aren't kind words in any setting.
DeleteI've never really given much thought to the devil trying to bring me down. Seems silly at times, but it's just a hard time!
Ohhhh! HEY~! Hang in There~! : )
ReplyDeleteI'm hanging Tim! I hope you're doing the same!
DeleteGod understands our anger and how we have to vent at times, it is the devil who tries to convince you that God doesn't care............talk to God and listen to his answers
ReplyDeleteThank you Jo-Anne!
DeleteI like to think that everything serves a purpose, whether we realize it or not. I haven't followed you for long, but long enough to know that you and your mother are extremely close and she's struggling valiantly, with your help, to tolerate this dreadful situation. That is a powerful testament to love and a sterling example for the rest of us.
ReplyDeleteThank you Stephen. I know you haven't been here long, but we're glad you're here! :)
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