When I'm alone

Back to work today, it's a rough day for me... I'm alright, until I'm alone.  It's an hour commute each way to and from work and the trip out for lunch.. I just want to grab my cell phone and call her up. 

This sucks... 

RIP, Mama Monkey Butt

We laid Mama MB to rest on Wednesday, November 28th, 2012.  It was a very sad day and the day that confirmed it all. No pinching needed, this is not a dream. My Mama MB has left this world.  She is soaring now above us all in her heaven.  With her Dad and as Pokey says, our poor little deceased Rhino (the guinea pig).

I miss her so much.  She was a part of my everything.  For weeks now I've cried many a tear worrying over the "what ifs" those what ifs are confirmed and though I thought it would be harder, I thought I could run away from it all.

But I can't, for the sake of those that I love. I can't leave this place.  I just can't fathom the loss of losing everyone around me as well. For something so selfish as weakness. 

I miss my Mama MB. I miss her more than I've missed anything else in this world. I've lost my mind on many occasions and this loss is far greater.

I want to again, thank you all. With everything that is left of me.... For your kind words, for being here to read my words. To share with me your stories  of loss as well.  You've no idea how much you people mean to me and the times you've helped me through so far in this short lifetime of ours. 

Thank you... 

- still hanging in there

Still awake....

Mama MB looked so pretty tonight, the flowers were beautiful and her dress Papa MB picked was quite stunning on her as well. A beautiful white casket and a place full of friends and family, we are so blessed. 

I've so many thoughts.. So many memories.. I'm attempting to hold my tongue for now. While I'm still a  mess, I don't want to make it ... bad. 

Thank you all. I've a network of friends and family, I love you all. I wish you were all here, wish you could have known Mama MB like we did, I do my best to tell you all how awesome she is. 

Her funeral is tomorrow....  It's going to be harder than today I think..

Damn....

Mama MB lost her fight with breast cancer tonight.  It's a sad day and she will be missed. Thank you all for always being here to listen to me.  Love my Dinglberries and I know she always appreciated your kind words!!

Another Mashed up Monday

Happy Monday Dingleberries!  We're back at work this morning, waking up with a head ache and wanting to puke all over anything that stepped in my path this morning.  We're lucky to have made it in at all.

Pokey has decided she also doesn't approve of the 6am alarm clock. I think we're on the same page right now. Waking up that early realllly sucks and it's cold outside. I think I will stick with carting her to school myself. Means more sleep for my lazy arse, her's too. Also means we don't have to wait in the cold car for the bus lady to arrive. It's like a win win.

So this shall be a sort of Monday Mash Up kind of post for you all today.  Thanks for stopping by for real, so sorry for my slackness lately. With the holidays and birthday and my being so very broke lately. It's just a depressing time for me right now. Still looking for a way to buy everything my darling Pokey has on her list for Christmas this year. The lack of money this time of year is the most depressing part and it never fails!  Always broke. There has to be a better way!

33 hunnnnnndred dollars for the diamond version of this ring.  Only 220 for a topaz version.  Isn't it sooo pretty!  Love it!  Maybe they will finance my broke ass?  lmao!! 

Mr. MB's mom picked me up this pretty necklace for my birthday. I'm wearing it now, it's been a long while since I've had  a necklace. The last few I had came from Mama MB.  I still have pieces of them, but my darling Pokey managed to rip them right off my neck when she was little. Kids are good at that aren't they? 

I'm officially caught up on The Walking Dead. Or at least  I think I am.  I'm on edge wanting to know where they are going with it. This is why I hate being caught up, then I've nothing new to go home to.  Kinda sucks from time to time.  The mid season finale is coming up soon as well.  Why do they do that anyway? Mid season finale.  That's silly!  How dare they make us wait like that?!!?!  So far it's good though, I'm surprised at who is there and who isn't and still crushing on Darrell. He's such a hottie!

So I'm sure most of you noticed last week I totally bombed my postings.  That means I didn't get them posted. I think I got Friday and what Tuesday? Which are OK, but I missed out on the Monkey Butt Thursday and What I'm Loving Wednesday  which honestly I don't think I've finished in a couple of weeks. Pretty epic fails there on my part.  I've gotta do better. You all know my excuses though and sometimes they really are valid ones!


Mama MB made it through Thanksgiving, she's still Hanging in there!  I think she's getting some bed sores and hoping Papa MB doesn't forget to mention it to the nurse. Perhaps they can offer a bit of advice for us in the matter. Still no foods for her, she's drinking water....sometimes.  We're down to just the liquid morphine right now. She hasn't taken much of anything else, that I'm aware of.  So if it's working, I guess that's what we can be thankful for. She's such a fighter. Sometimes I wonder what she's hanging on to. What's keeping her going. Ya know?  If it were me, I'd given up a long long time ago I'm afraid.  It's hard!  Other than you fine Dingleberries, I've not many people to talk to, not and actually get any support from.

So I think there were a few more things  I was going to bore blog about today... Sadly they're lost to me right now. For some reason I just can pull them from my memory. I think perhaps it has something to do with how random this post has become.  That's OK though, that's what Monday's are for. Right?

Hang  in there!

Friday's Fabulous Photo: Pet Shaming

Music For A Tuesday: Rehab

Happy Tuesday Dingleberries,

That extra sleep on Sunday really did a good thing for this Monkey Butt. I'm feeling, better. Didn't want to get up this morning, but that's expected. It's work... Ya know work isn't always the greatest thing one can do during the week. Wishing I was one of those lucky ones who had the week off, with pay?  Is that asking too much?  Well it would be here!  They don't like paying us most weeks.  Selfish bastards!

So it has taken me all day to decide what I will share for my musical Tuesday.  Of course I've decided to go with one of my favorite bands!

Rehab, this song is called Waho by the Hoti and the way they've put it up there looks like a Waffle House song. Perhaps there is a Waffle House located next to the hotel they're talking about.  I am not sure, I keep myself away from Northside and most of Atlanta actually... I get lost so easily ya know.  One way streets and dark alley ways, scare me.  Don't judge me!!

So Rehab came to Athens this past weekend, Saturday actually. The day before my birthday and well I'd hoped that I would be able to see them. I'd not committed though because well.. I'm prego and well something about a bar filled with ... smoke ... and booze. Sounds like a birth defect waiting to happen...

That was evil.

I do love drinking though and quit smoking a year ago this month. Look at that, I'd forgotten already!  It's been a whole year. Expect a post about that later too!!  ;)

OK OK, back to it... So like I was saying, I'd made no concrete plans to go see Rehab. I was secretly just hoping and wishing to go see the Breaking Dawn part 2. Which I did, so life was complete, for another year!

So don't tell the Rehab band that I bailed on them this year for something.... a little less tempting in the bad side!  Don't need any birth defects ya know?!

So till next time, Enjoy!

Hang in there!