So how were you today my Dingleberries? Another slow day at work for me. I did manage to muster the guts to tell the boss man that
- A) Mama MB isn't doing well. She's really sick, but we all know that. Don't we?
- B) That I'm expecting a little "sea monkey".
In regards to Mama MB. She's not doing well, as I've said. She looks like a skeleton at this point, her hands and legs are so bony. She has....bumps... on her body. From what I gather it's from the cancer. No one has said really.
I told you she has cancer all over now? Her lungs, liver, back, bones and they broke the news that it's back in her brain as well.... There is no hope.
I hoped once, I hoped since she came home. Since they stuck her in the hospital. I hoped they would get her pain under control. That maybe she would eat and drink again. That she would have a little bit of life left..
She's got a little bit left, just not the kind I dreamt of.
I don't want bum you guys out, this isn't what I wanted to post on my blog. I read a few blogs, cancer blogs. I've started in the last year or so. Thought it would help me understand things better. They did some of that, they also just made me feel worse. I don't want to make you all feel that way. This is posta be a happy place... It was, once.
I'm hanging on to the happy memories. I'm watching her...die... but I'm not watching, because all I can picture is her smiling face. Sitting there chatting with me.
I never thought, never wanted to think.... I bet she will be happy to be...dead. Sometimes I wonder, does she think that now. Do I think that at times?
I want my Mama MB back. I want her well and happy. She is neither.
I got my hair cut last night, just after all the family drama started. It's amazing how easy it is to get dragged into the middle of something. My family is losing their strength at this time. Some of us are breaking down and sadly they're expressing it the wrong way! Forgetting the importance of the time. Mama MB wanted to be home and we intend on leaving her there. There is no reason to transport her to the hospital, swell her up with fluids again, fill her with pain meds. it's not going to be the place for her. Home is the place for her now, home is where she wanted to be.
Mr MB just couldn't keep it to himself, so Papa MB caught wind of the whole thing. He was saying he was sorry for them and that they called me the way they did. I could have choked him for spilling the beans. Papa MB has enough on him without hearing about those things!!
Don't you think?
Well.... I still haven't seen the new Twilight Breaking Dawn pt 2. I'm hoping to go tomorrow, pending someone can watch Pokey. Shall see! I hope someone can, I realllly want to go.
My girl makes me smile :)
Check out my bored attempt of artwork today at work...
I'm tired... Gotta finish this episode!
Will post more tomorrow!!
Hang in there!