Sunday, January 20, 2013
Found myself alone, again.
I find myself alone, going over and over the moments of her death..
What were her thoughts? Was she able to have any?
What did it feel like?
What did she see?
How did she feel?
What were her thoughts?
Was it painful?
I shouldn't do this to myself, but it's so easy.
Is it wrong or selfish of me to wish I hadn't been there for that? That somehow, like the preacher, I was able to miss out on those last moments.
Yea.... that seems selfish to me, but it hurts so much to think back on those moments.... Those months... That year of her battle...
Life isn't always fair, I know. .
But I can't seem to get past the pain sometimes... My pain, not hers. Because I know her pain is over now. She's the lucky one, I might add.
I miss my Mama MB.