memories

So you all know it's been a week or so since the good news and while I'm still working on processing it all and trying to be overwhelmed with the fear and risk of this new news.  All in all it's good. Thanks everyone for the well wishes!

So I don't know if I've told you this story before or not, but when we were little there were times when my single mother would live with our grandparents and we would also.  This was always OK because we loved our grandparents and still do of course.

So there was this movie, I'm guessing it was recently released at the time, because Mom brought it home or had it available, on VHS of course! Some of you will remember those and of course the movie, it was Dirty Dancing.

You know the one, with the oh so attractive Patrick Swayze and the little girl (Jennifer Grey) who comes to town on vacation with her family.  Adorable move and to this day I still love it.

So my grandparents being... grandparents I guess would probably have flipped a lid or something had they known we were watching this, of course MOm being so young everyone thought they knew better as to how to raise us chirrens and what we should and shouldn't be seeing. I think though, if Mom thought it was OK.... That's good enough for me. So she kept us up and let us watch this movie with her. 

It's one of those moments, I hope I never forget about Mama MB. It's been a few years already since her death and I swear there for the longest time all I could picture and remember were those last horrible moments...It clouded so much of my vision and still breaks my heart, but there are glimpses and little snippets of joy that I'm recalling lately. 

She's be overjoyed with the news of twins, I'm already hearing family members tell me that she had said before that me or my sister having twins would have been cool.

Feeling blessed and knowing she's watching from above.

Hang in there Dingleberries!!

Life is... grown up.

I'd never given much thought as to what I would be when I grow up. Even as a child, I don't recall ever saying.  With the  exception of the occasional joke that I would be a stripper or something.

Completely out of the question, considering I've zero abilities to dance... Among other things!

But yea, I never really gave  a thought as to what I would really being doing.

Now I sit here ... as an grown up child adult and still I have no idea what I want to be. Or what I should be doing.

I can't say there is a void or something missing. I just wonder

Is this it?

Is this forever?  Is this what I will always be doing. Nothing... Nothing of importance .. With the exception of my monkeys, I've nothing much to show for this life. No other GRAND  memories.

I wonder, if I'd given it more thought. Would I be doing something else? If I'd chosen the football star? Of if I'd actually tried to look the part, would I have gotten any further? 

Life is weird.

And to be honest, I don't know that I would change a thing if I were able to go back in time.  Well, maybe  a thing or two. 

One day I'll know.  Then!  THEN!  It will be GRAND!

-Hang in there

Lost can't mean Forgotten

I've lost some of my favorite things.

I lost them in the "fire".

The "fire" was when all hell broke loose and things went wrong.

These lost items, though only lost to me.

I've no idea what they may be.

I only know they're lost to me.

Lost forever.

I've only an empty shelf where they use to be.

Little trinkets glisten in the back of my head.

Sparkles of light thrown from my lost items.

Lost and never forgotten trinkets of life,

Lovely written letters,

Stories of another time,

Pictures of my favorite friends.

Lost! Misplaced! But Never Forgotten!

-DG

(photo taken here)