Didn't think that would ever hit home?

Late 2010, early 2011 Mom sat us down and told us she had a brain aneurysm.  Shocked and confused we had no idea what this meant. I’d only ever known of brain aneurysms to rupture and cause many medical problems and quite possibly kill its victim.  Stress was high again.  We had no idea what was to happen in the days to come.  Never had we once been through something like that, something involving surgery, nothing of this magnitude. Sure we were strong through epilepsy and MS and allergies and talks of COPD. Sure we knew all of those things, things we had all dealt with together for many years. Things that were just medicated and seemed under control most days.  This was something all new, this was serious, and this was life threatening potentially.  Mother decided she didn’t want to take the chance of sitting with this “time bomb” in her head. She was going to take the steps and have it corrected. “Preventive Maintenance” as I like to call it, very serious indeed. 

Mother survived this ordeal. Mother went into that surgery like Super Man. Nothing would conquer her and get her down.  After days in the hospital, her face swollen and purple, we thanked everything good that she was alive and better and we wouldn’t have to worry about this problem any more.  I remember when we received word she was in recovery and they would let us know when she would be taken upstairs. We met the lady in the hall and she told us quietly if we hurried we could see her get off the elevator. I remember the excitement I felt knowing that I would soon be seeing my Mom.  She rolled out of that elevator and I shoved my sister in front of me to see her. My Sister wasn’t there that morning to see her off. To hug her and tell her she loved her just in case the worst happened.  Seeing them cry and my Dad so happy to see her just as I was. She looked like hell.  Her face already swollen and the cut was gruesome. But she was there, she was alive and she was beautiful.

The surgeon released mother from her care months later.  She has recently regained most of her old ability to chew her food, her temple is slightly caved in and she can feel the screws and plates through her thin skin, the scar mostly covered by the hair that is growing back.  She can no longer have an MRI, which was always required to check on her lesions caused by MS. If anything slips or leaks, she could very possibly have a stroke and there is no way for them to scan and check that everything is OK with out a risk of the machine sending metal fragments from her new plate into her brain.

Never thought this would hit home…

photo taken here

Day 100, 365 days of 2011

Thursday, April 14th, 2011

DAY 100!  HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!!?!  WELL NO MATTER. I'm going to announce  it was a pretty awesome day. I found myself smiling, jamming to my favorite, Florence and the Machine today while out and about for work!  I'm doing the happy dance all day!  It was a party today, even if I was the only one dancing! 

I laughed OUT LOUD while reading text messages.. I was driving.  I know, bad bad bad, I think I even vowed to try and quit texting while driving, but my new phone its possible, where my last phone. Not so much!  I didn't take the pledge though. So boooyah!

Sadly I spent a good bit of time on the phone with my Mom tonight. I am happy to report she isn't in one of her piss poor moods where she spends the entirety of the call BITCHING about anything and everything. I was so very happy for this.  I've fought and argued, had my feelings hurt, cried a little and stormed out pissed off in the last week with my mother.  I'm glad the air my be clearing some and things will be getting better *fingers crossed*.   UPDATERS:  Forgive my slackness people, it's been well over  a month since Mom's brain surgery.  I'm happy to report she has  healed up nicely, as far as I know she doesn't have the same kind of head aches she had before.  It in no way affected who she was and unfortunately, lol, didn't make her any nicer.  I'm happy she is still the same.  They neglected to really explain before hand that the "plate" they put in her head wouldn't allow for any more MRI's.  I think she is happy about this, because she hates paying for those things! 

Goodnight fellow bloggers, readers and followers. Have an awesome Friday. I'm hoping for the same!  *fingers crossed*

Day 54, 365 days of 2011

Hello day 54. All in all it was a good day. Am at my Mom's house tonight amping up for tomorrows adventures in brain surgery.  No I'm not the surgeon, lucky world we live in!  hahaha.. Survival rate would be... well zero!  That being said, I'm hopeful tomorrow will go as planned, I wont oversleep and make us all late, or well, make me late. I plan to ride with my parents to the hospital. Fingers crossed that goes as planned.  I'm positive my mom will make it through this just fine, but we all worry. Or is it just me? 

So here I am, up late again, but I feel this sneaky suspicion I will not be able to sleep very well tonight. I'm sure I wont be able to crash out until she has gone off to bed. She's talking to her Son right now and well I can foresee that being a lengthy conversation. Being as  here lately they talk like twice a year.  hahaha...  I didn't say that!

OoOoOoOoOo have you all seen previews for that movie to come out in march?!  Sucker Punch.. It looks awesome. I may be there opening night for that one.  ha ha.  I doubt it. I'm sure it will all be forgotten tomorrow. I must remember to hit up Old Navy tomorrow. I'm all caught up on commercials tonight. They are selling some A-DORABLE shoes at Old Navy *high fives*

Goodnight readers, followers and fellow bloggers.  Have a pleasant night and Monday.. I shall update tomorrow.. I hope with how everything goes with Momzie! 

Day 50, 365 days of 2011

DAY 50!  Lawd and what a day it was.  I warned you all last night I was changing my hair again,  ha ha...  Wowza... The picture doesn't really do it any justice, it's really blonder than this picture makes it out to be...

All I can say it OUCH!  Like, for real.  I will never and would not recommend anyone trying this... What I did was throw a bleach kit on my hair, all thanks to Sally's beauty supply, the lady at the store was the most helpful lady I've encountered at this location.  I was lucky to have her help me, she sold me a few things, the bleach and some extra proteins for my hair and then of course the blond color.  Holy crap.  My hair hurts!  I would not recommend anyone attempt to put their hair through what mine has been through this year.  And it's only February. Imagine how colorful the rest of my year will be. I've already picked my next color. It is the most awesome Gold color.  So cool.  It will be at least a month before I do anything else, color wise, to my hair.  For real. My scalp must have flamed up and me not notice.  Like for real.  Guess that is why it's the color it is.  It's really almost like sherbert or something.  ha ha.. But it isn't too bad. I've gotta deal with it for at least a little while. So hello and goodbye day 50, this hair pain sucks!

Oh!  I went  to my Mom's pre-op today. Eeep!  I don't think I really accepted this was really happening until today. I'm on the roller coaster again, feeling like I did when she first told me.  I know, I should be strong, and that is the only way she will see me, but of course, Im a nervous wreck again.  No worries, Im not seeking support and advise, I know, deep down it will all be okay.  Atleast I have some optimism, but of course there is the realism side to my thinking, there are always "what ifs"  I just know, if the "what ifs" come up, I'm not sure I will make it out of there either. 

Until next time.. Have an awesome time bloggers, readers, followers.

Day 49, 365 days of 2011

Day 49....

One more day till 50!  High Fives.. Lemme just say tomorrow will be a whole different look, for my head anyways, lol... If for some reason this goes wrong, haha... It maybe a hat day tomorrow!!!  :))  For now, I'm tired and still waiting time to warsh out this color... Ahhhhh, been at it for like 3 hours now.  Can't.GO.On.

Tomorrow is my Mom's pre-op for surgery. I'm sure there are a million questions I should bombard those people with, but as of right now I'm trying to remember what my grandma wants me to ask.  Ask them about her asthma, don't forget Doria, don't forget to ask.  I'd forget my head if it weren't attached... Lemme not forget to ask.. Making mental note now... Writing it down as I'm thinking. I'm off work early tomorrow, high fives for that shit.  I'm glad. I been needing a day off early, haha..

Goodnight bloggers!  Cya tomorrow!

Someone wake me from this nightmare....

I'm trapped and crying. The only thoughts in my mind are of my Mother. I can feel her fear. I can understand her sadness. It is all to real for me now. I'm scared, not for what may happen, or what I just know will not happen. The worst case scenario.  I know everything will just be FINE!  I'm worried and confused and my thoughts are racing with trying to figure out exactly what is happening and why. It's strange.  Im searching the faces coming and going for my Mothers face. To know she is there for me.  I cannot find her anywhere. I just know she would be scared for me, as I am scared for myself. 

A little insight on this dream.  It was indeed a dream I dreamt last night. In most cases I cannot really remember my dreams very often. It has to have a real significance I think sometimes.  So the Dr's are telling me I need brain surgery.  New to my blog? Click here .  I'm worried and confused, because they haven't done test on me, they only tell me it has to be done. That they KNOW it's there.  I'm freaking and just saying whatever. They are going over what to do and how when all of this. It's overwhelming.  I'm a nervous wreck.  (In my dream)

I can understand fully my Mothers fear and sadness and worry and stress. I thought I understood this before, but now, after a dream like that. I truly understand now.

My Dad is sending me thank you messages this morning, in thanks for my sister and I doing our part and putting up half of the deductible for my Mothers surgery.  It feels like the least I can do right now. (She called us so very upset over money two mornings ago.  My Mother has been on disability for years now no longer has a drivers license and should be driving or working for that matter.  She didn't want to put off the surgery due to lack of funds. Didn't want to go through the stress and preperation, mentally, for what is to come.) I'm scared for her and of the procedure.  I just know she will be just fine. They are giving her a 98% chance of nothing to go wrong. Which I will say seems pretty high!  I'm glad this is in the wheels of process and will be so much happier when it's all said and DONE! 

Thank you my readers, followers and fellow bloggers for all of of your kind words.  I don't know you guys, but I know I really like you!  :)

Someone talk me down...

Save room today for my, what?  Day 9 in my 2011, but I shall start with this less pleasant news for today.

What is a Brain Aneurysm?

A brain aneurysm, also called a cerebral or intracranial aneurysm, is an abnormal bulging outward of one of the arteries in the brain. It is estimated that up to one in 15 people in the United States will develop a brain aneurysm during their lifetime.
Brain aneurysms are often discovered when they rupture, causing bleeding into the brain or the space closely surrounding the brain called the subarachnoid space, causing a subarachnoid hemorrhage. Subarachnoid hemorrhage from a ruptured brain aneurysm can lead to a hemorrhagic stroke, brain damage and death.

Ugh, yes, my mom broke the news today that her doctor said she has an aneurysm. Um, yea, so I'm fuckingfreakingout!  I must vent here, my mom has been nothing but tortured with her health issues.  When we were kids they diagnosed her with epilepsy.  That was a hard time in itself, but we were younger and no one really say us down and explained what that really meant.  Nor did we understand why mommy was in the hospital for a while.  But she was put on her medicines and everything seemed fine, as far as we were concerned.  Then in like 2001, the doctors diagnosed her with multiple sclerosis.  Ugh, it was devastating for her and us because we were then old enough to use the Internet and understand exactly what was going on.  So now we're dealing with MS and epilepsy.  Last year she had a severe allergic reaction to mold, after quitting smoking, her doctor proceeds to tell her she has COPD.  Holyfuckingshit what else mom? I'm having  a nervous breakdown.  They wiped that away when her breathing became better, which was because the mold was removed from her home.  Things were OK, for the most part. Her breathing sucked for a while, but she was feeling better.  Now this!  Really?  What else can this mother of mine have to deal with?! Like for real?  WHATTHEFUCK!  I'm breaking down emotionally on the way home, fighting the ice and traffic and the CD player being a bitch.  I'm driving home and just having an emotional breakdown and nervous condition.  What can I say, I'm a sucker for my mom.  Call me a Moma's girl or whatever.  It's just how it is!  So... thanks for reading my bloggers!