On the wagon

 You guys this may be my craziest journey yet. By this I mean blogging journey.  I'm not quick minded and I don't think fast on my feet, I'm quite slow to be honest. But sometimes there is much to say and frankly I never know how to say it. So, what do I do?  I run to my keyboard and attempt to figure it out in writing.  

This post is titled "on the wagon". I'll give a little recap, so you know what I'm talking about.  When the pandemic dropped, I started feeling very anxious.  So, I picked up drinking. I'm quite ashamed to admit it, but it was and always has been a bit of a release for me. Unfortunately, I really took it a little far.  Nothing too horrible, no terrible mistakes were made or anything.  I just started drinking too much and too often.

So, for a while now, on several occasions I've convinced myself to stop it and each time I've ran out one day or another and grabbed up another bottle.  

To close the post, today was one of those days that I said I'm quitting.  I'm all out and I had a pretty good fit earlier, but I think I'll be ok.  I feel like with everything that is going on, I need to have my wits about myself.  Imagine the middle of the night, drunken and my kids or my sick husband needs me, but I've been drinking.  These thoughts and of course my health is keeping me focused. With Gods strength I can get past this and if I choose to have a drink at dinner out once, I can do it without fear of falling off again.  It's hard to see the grey when you've always been black or white. 

I'll update the cancer news tomorrow.  Until next time, 

Hang in there

-MB