Treatment week 1

 Week one was TOUGH.  I'll be completely honest I thought Mr. MB was going to go ahead and throw in the towel. It was very overwhelming.  Surgery went well, as I mentioned before but recovery was a whole other thing.  There was a lot of pain. Way more pain that anyone led on.  Of course, all people handle pain differently and that just goes to say ... what's super painful for one may not be the case for another. It's nothing something I'm prepared to debate.  

Our week at a glance: 

Monday: surgery 

(we were literally there all day)

Tuesday: labs and chemo 

(a lot of pain, hard to get up and moving)

Wednesday: radiation 

(still a lot of pain and still not eating or drinking enough and sleeping all day)

Thursday: radiation 

(still in pain, still not eating or drinking. very out of it and not doing well at all.) 

Thursday is when I decided enough was enough and I wasn't sure exactly what was going on and how "normal" this was. I've never dealt with this, after all. I made the call and got him an appointment for them to check him and give him fluids. I had to cancel an appointment with a surgeon, but it is what it is.  You won't need surgery if you're dead. 

Friday: office visit and fluids

It was such a tough week, for us all.  I wasn't prepared for that level, I guess. We made it through it though and he was able to have a good Friday night and weekend.  I even got to go see Batman and have dinner with my sister.  

I don't know what the next weeks will look like, we have at least 5 of them, but I'm hopeful 

Until next time, hang in there dingleberries 

-MB 

Surgery 1

 I don't know what to say or do at this point. I believe myself to be mentally exhausted and the anxiety is doing me no favors!  Today was surgery day.  The doctors put in the cath port and the peg tube aka feeding tube.  He's not currently unable to eat, but the oncologist didn't want to proceed without having one in place, just in case it becomes impossible for him to eat.  I get it, but it was quite the event and the pain though still fully there is just now beginning to ease up a little.  Dude it's been like 12 hours. I'm almost dead tired, and I didn't have to deal with half of what he dealt with today. 

Until next time, Ill keep hanging in there. I hope you'll do the same. 

-MB

I'm not the only one

 Today was an early day, we're still early in the phasing and today was a day that will mark the near future.  If the cancer has spread somewhere, it will mean .... what I'm not sure but more than I'm ready to assume, or so I imagine.  Today we arrived early for a PET scan and an MRI.  Doctors' orders, he will use these   two scans to determine the stage of the cancer, I'm not sure I have the strength to know. Good thing we don't find out until Friday. Because I'm tired boss, so tired. 

I've no room to complain, I'm just the "care taker".  I'm not the one with cancer.  

long hallways

A view I reckon we will be getting pretty use to.  News is in, treatments start March 1st.  For now, we're finishing up scans and learning as much as we can about what is to come. Hopefully Friday will tell us which stage we are at and what exactly we are looking at.   Today wasn't too much of a challenge, the iron infusion and fluids were administered. It took about 2 and a half hours, but they are in.  Were in good spirits still. 

I have some very fantastic friends, we've already received a large shipment of house supplies and tonight a dear friend of mine brought us dinner, after the long day at the Dr office it was much appreciated. 

We are so blessed in this journey.  

-MB

 

the cost of iron

 The hubs called me earlier, I imagine he was stressing over money.  The Dr office had called and said the iron treatments they're wanting are going to cost us about $300 and that his chemo treatments are going to cost us about $26. The second price wasn't the kicker it was the cost for the iron treatments.  We are sure he probably needs the iron, so I'm sure we will have it done I just wish a little more of the cost was covered.  

For those who pray, please keep them coming. Our cancer journey is really beginning no matter how much I try to fight it.   If you don't put your faith in prayer then please send all of the good vibes, 

Still doesn't seem real

 I catch myself getting grumpy with certain situations and it's challenging to snap back into my life and what's going on.  I guess in a way it doesn't seem real. "Doesn't seem real" is probably going to be one of those things I say in repetition and seems to still catch me off guard.  Because, like I said this doesn't really seem real.  

Things are in for time to come.  A very unknown time and an unsure time.  But a time none the less.  Thankful for the time we have and prayerful that we will continue to be granted more time.  In the words of Capt. Steven Hiller, "it aint over till the fat lady sings" and I sure don't hear any singing.  

Im not sure I can do this again

 The title of this post says it all. I'm not sure I can do this again.  By this I mean ... cancer.  Don't fret, it's not my diagnosis but rather my husbands.  The man I've known since I was a junior in high school! The same man I broke up with and married and remarried. The same man that I've carried and delivered 4 children for.  My husband has esophageal cancer.  

There's a lot of things I want to say about this, but I just can't find the words.  

For now, I'm still processing. I'm trying to breathe. 

A Very Airmail Christmas: 2012

Good afternoon my dearest Dingleberries, don't be mad. I warned you yesterday that I was back. By that I meant to annoy the ever living shit out of you. So feel free to fling some poo!!

As most of you are well aware I signed up for A Very Airmail Christmas in 2012. Hoping some of you did the same. It was a heart wrenching experience and really hit home with me at the loss of my dear Mama MB. This project all began way far away from me at the loss of a very strong woman who also lost her battle with cancer. One of her last wishes were that strangers from across the world would mail Christmas cards to each other.  What a wonderful idea and way to spread the cheer across the world.  

My heart goes out to her family and loved ones.  It's not easy. 

source

It was a good experience and though  I wasn't able to share it with Mama MB I hope we can do it again next year.  

My card came all the way from Edinburgh, wishing I had a link to her page so I could pay her thanks.  Beautiful card and I loved that she actually purchased/sent out cards that funded cancer research. I will remind myself to do exactly the same thing next year.. 

Because you know what?  There is never enough research being done to stop this monster!!  

-Hang in there!

Prayers needed

This is a last minute post, as I'm wrapping up my reading and blogging for right now. It's #2 for today but it's a must post..

A dear friend of mine, Tim over at Blast From The Past Blowing in the Wind has blogged today that his sister has been diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer.

I hope he doesn't mind my sharing ...

My heart flopped in my chest, plummeted to the basement of my soul as I read the news. I shed some tears for him and his family.  His neighbor is also suffering cancer.  Ya all know Mama MB has her battle as well.

It's insanity really, all of this cancer. Hitting so close to home, making me realized we aren't all so lucky.  I thought we were, lucky. I thought to myself, Nah that won't happen to me.

Mama MB diagnosed last year and fighting, his neighbor. Tim has lost family to this monster in the past.

My heart and thoughts go out to him and his family. Virtual hugs and prayers his way. Please everyone pray for his strength and family. He's an awesome kind of guy!  Trust me!