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| Monday, August 6th |
It was a nerve wrecking kind of day today. With Pokey and her first day of school. My ability to take a perfectly normal situation like my child getting on the bus in the afternoon and riding over to her daycare and making it out like an end of the world type thing. Well, potentially anyway. Things went well, I went to the school around lunch to confirm she would be getting on the correct bus and called the daycare to make sure she made it. I only called once, well maybe twice! Just glad things went well.
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| My big 3rd grader |
Mama Monkey Butt went in today for CTscans on her brain again. I told you all that she was done with her radiation a couple of weeks ago. Now she is completely bald and hating it. With chemo her hair didn't fall out completely. It's gone now. It looks fine. She won't agree, but whatever!
Please God lets pray that the radiation got rid of the cancer in her brain. Things seem to get back to normal and she's acting like Mama Monkey Butt and then something clicks in my brain. It's like I remember everything that's going on, everything that has happened. I feel like a selfish brat because I don't want her to go through this, I don't want her to be sick, I don't want her to have cancer. I want it to all go away and then I remember her words "It's killing me" and I'm a mess all over again. I wish she would keep fighting, I know that she is. She's strong, she's amazing, She's my Mama Monkey Butt and I wouldn't want anyone else. No one could have done, is doing, and better job at raising good kids, because that's what she did.
But I don't want Mama Monkey Butt to have cancer, I don't want her to be sick. I want her God, your God, my God, to make it all go away. Show this woman some mercy and take it all away. That's what I want, but I'm so scared. I don't know what to do, what to say, or what to think.
I'm done and I'm sorry but I guess I just had to get that out. Thanks for reading, if you've made it this far!
Hang in there!
(I guess that's all we can do huh?)
Don't ever feel bad about saying that. I say that a lot when I'm praying for her and the others in blogland I know going through similar things. Sometimes it's hard to deal with God's "big picture" will when you as a mortal are mired ass-deep in mortality.
ReplyDeletePokey is a doll! Lord how I miss third grade. I had the same teahcer for 2nd and 3rd (Catholic school, lay teacher) and I was her pet. Life had its good points then...
Thanks CW, she can be a doll, also a meanie when she wants to be. She has gotten extremely lucky so far in her school and not getting mean teachers, she's loved them all so far :)
DeleteAww I wish I could make it go away for you and your mum, it must be awful but you're being so strong for her and that's exactly what she needs.
ReplyDeleteThanks lady! I'm trying, so hard to keep it together, because that is how I am. It's hard but ya know, I've always managed to do it, it's just never been so close to home I guess.
DeleteI had to ask the hubs if yesterday were really Tuesday. :D
ReplyDeleteMy sister lost her hair from cancer treatments and went on to sport a righteously long, curly, blonde wig that she liked much better than what used to be on top of her head. That was five years ago. Now, she's back to her own limp, dishwater-blonde hair, and healthy.
Thinking of you and your Mama Monkey.x
Yea I was being blond yesterday I guess, oops. I'm sorry for your sister going through cancer, but I'm so glad that she came through it. ::hugs::
DeleteYour Mama is one strong lady to stay as strong as she has for some time now. It's got to be very frustrating knowing so many pray for you and you still has this battle going on. I have never stopped praying for your Mom and your family Doria.
ReplyDeleteI mentioned a while back that I hadn't seen my neighbor Linda in a long time. I talked with her cousin out in the yard one day and she started crying because Linda just wouldn't get up and do anything! Come to find out, so far her cancer is gone, but she had fallen into depression and just wanted to give up anyway!
I mentioned the depression thing to her cousin (my family knows depression) and Linda has finally gotten out of the house to help run errands and get moving around again. She came over the the fence to talk to me and Woody, and I made sure to let her know Woody was missing her too (She's an animal lover) Whatever it takes!
Hang Tough!
Thanks so much Tim :) I'm glad to hear about your neighbor, that they got rid of the cancer. I'm glad she's getting out. Keep her going too Tim, you're a great friend :)
DeleteI will pray for your mom and your whole family. do not underestimate the power of prayer!!!
ReplyDeleteHi and welcome, I'm doing my best not to give up on prayer, sometimes it just seems hopeless.
DeletePlease don't ever feel bad about opening up to us because that is what family is all about. I think about you a lot knowing that you are upset because I went through the same thing with both my parents. We will continue to pray for your sweet mama and the whole family as well. Prayer is the most powerful resource on the planet.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Odie
Thanks so much Odie, check out todays post btw for many thankies!! I try not to complain or whine or bring anyone down with my rambles, because I guess there is always worse. I'm hanging in there!
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