Treatment week 1

 Week one was TOUGH.  I'll be completely honest I thought Mr. MB was going to go ahead and throw in the towel. It was very overwhelming.  Surgery went well, as I mentioned before but recovery was a whole other thing.  There was a lot of pain. Way more pain that anyone led on.  Of course, all people handle pain differently and that just goes to say ... what's super painful for one may not be the case for another. It's nothing something I'm prepared to debate.  

Our week at a glance: 

Monday: surgery 

(we were literally there all day)

Tuesday: labs and chemo 

(a lot of pain, hard to get up and moving)

Wednesday: radiation 

(still a lot of pain and still not eating or drinking enough and sleeping all day)

Thursday: radiation 

(still in pain, still not eating or drinking. very out of it and not doing well at all.) 

Thursday is when I decided enough was enough and I wasn't sure exactly what was going on and how "normal" this was. I've never dealt with this, after all. I made the call and got him an appointment for them to check him and give him fluids. I had to cancel an appointment with a surgeon, but it is what it is.  You won't need surgery if you're dead. 

Friday: office visit and fluids

It was such a tough week, for us all.  I wasn't prepared for that level, I guess. We made it through it though and he was able to have a good Friday night and weekend.  I even got to go see Batman and have dinner with my sister.  

I don't know what the next weeks will look like, we have at least 5 of them, but I'm hopeful 

Until next time, hang in there dingleberries 

-MB 

Surgery 1

 I don't know what to say or do at this point. I believe myself to be mentally exhausted and the anxiety is doing me no favors!  Today was surgery day.  The doctors put in the cath port and the peg tube aka feeding tube.  He's not currently unable to eat, but the oncologist didn't want to proceed without having one in place, just in case it becomes impossible for him to eat.  I get it, but it was quite the event and the pain though still fully there is just now beginning to ease up a little.  Dude it's been like 12 hours. I'm almost dead tired, and I didn't have to deal with half of what he dealt with today. 

Until next time, Ill keep hanging in there. I hope you'll do the same. 

-MB

On the wagon

 You guys this may be my craziest journey yet. By this I mean blogging journey.  I'm not quick minded and I don't think fast on my feet, I'm quite slow to be honest. But sometimes there is much to say and frankly I never know how to say it. So, what do I do?  I run to my keyboard and attempt to figure it out in writing.  

This post is titled "on the wagon". I'll give a little recap, so you know what I'm talking about.  When the pandemic dropped, I started feeling very anxious.  So, I picked up drinking. I'm quite ashamed to admit it, but it was and always has been a bit of a release for me. Unfortunately, I really took it a little far.  Nothing too horrible, no terrible mistakes were made or anything.  I just started drinking too much and too often.

So, for a while now, on several occasions I've convinced myself to stop it and each time I've ran out one day or another and grabbed up another bottle.  

To close the post, today was one of those days that I said I'm quitting.  I'm all out and I had a pretty good fit earlier, but I think I'll be ok.  I feel like with everything that is going on, I need to have my wits about myself.  Imagine the middle of the night, drunken and my kids or my sick husband needs me, but I've been drinking.  These thoughts and of course my health is keeping me focused. With Gods strength I can get past this and if I choose to have a drink at dinner out once, I can do it without fear of falling off again.  It's hard to see the grey when you've always been black or white. 

I'll update the cancer news tomorrow.  Until next time, 

Hang in there

-MB

I'm not the only one

 Today was an early day, we're still early in the phasing and today was a day that will mark the near future.  If the cancer has spread somewhere, it will mean .... what I'm not sure but more than I'm ready to assume, or so I imagine.  Today we arrived early for a PET scan and an MRI.  Doctors' orders, he will use these   two scans to determine the stage of the cancer, I'm not sure I have the strength to know. Good thing we don't find out until Friday. Because I'm tired boss, so tired. 

I've no room to complain, I'm just the "care taker".  I'm not the one with cancer.  

long hallways

A view I reckon we will be getting pretty use to.  News is in, treatments start March 1st.  For now, we're finishing up scans and learning as much as we can about what is to come. Hopefully Friday will tell us which stage we are at and what exactly we are looking at.   Today wasn't too much of a challenge, the iron infusion and fluids were administered. It took about 2 and a half hours, but they are in.  Were in good spirits still. 

I have some very fantastic friends, we've already received a large shipment of house supplies and tonight a dear friend of mine brought us dinner, after the long day at the Dr office it was much appreciated. 

We are so blessed in this journey.  

-MB

 

the cost of iron

 The hubs called me earlier, I imagine he was stressing over money.  The Dr office had called and said the iron treatments they're wanting are going to cost us about $300 and that his chemo treatments are going to cost us about $26. The second price wasn't the kicker it was the cost for the iron treatments.  We are sure he probably needs the iron, so I'm sure we will have it done I just wish a little more of the cost was covered.  

For those who pray, please keep them coming. Our cancer journey is really beginning no matter how much I try to fight it.   If you don't put your faith in prayer then please send all of the good vibes, 

Still doesn't seem real

 I catch myself getting grumpy with certain situations and it's challenging to snap back into my life and what's going on.  I guess in a way it doesn't seem real. "Doesn't seem real" is probably going to be one of those things I say in repetition and seems to still catch me off guard.  Because, like I said this doesn't really seem real.  

Things are in for time to come.  A very unknown time and an unsure time.  But a time none the less.  Thankful for the time we have and prayerful that we will continue to be granted more time.  In the words of Capt. Steven Hiller, "it aint over till the fat lady sings" and I sure don't hear any singing.  

Im not sure I can do this again

 The title of this post says it all. I'm not sure I can do this again.  By this I mean ... cancer.  Don't fret, it's not my diagnosis but rather my husbands.  The man I've known since I was a junior in high school! The same man I broke up with and married and remarried. The same man that I've carried and delivered 4 children for.  My husband has esophageal cancer.  

There's a lot of things I want to say about this, but I just can't find the words.  

For now, I'm still processing. I'm trying to breathe. 

throwing in the flag ...

 So if I'm being honest, there's a list of things I've given up on so far in this life. To list a few I'd have to say, my first marriage, candy crush and drinking (for a while).  Right now I feel heavy in the burden of school.  Because of the state of the world and the situation we are in with the covid numbers rising in our area my kids have been home and on an alternating face to face schedule.  It's mainly because of this that I can truthfully say I have started drinking again, hey what can I say.  The problem runs deep. 

My current serious dilemma though is my teenager.  She's 17  now, I can't believe it, and has the worst attitude ever.  I've never remembered myself acting the way she acts. Perhaps because my family would have knocked my head off, of course I'm a wimp and don't typically strike the children.  Although I have started threatening one of the boys with a spoon and it seems to be working. I joke, but I guess it's not really funny. Yall she's giving me a true run for my money. Its so hard and so difficult and I'm at such a loss. She's going to fail, without a doubt and she's going to have to retake some courses, but it seems as though she doesn't care at all.  I don't know what to do. I know I'm rambling and that wasn't my intentions. 

What are you thoughts?  How are you today? 

Lord help

For those checking back ...

there was like 1000 junk comments. Lord help 

Junky comments

We are all familiar with comments and how exciting they are, but with my first comment in a while I see I have about a million junk comments on old posts.  Any idea how to delete them in bulk :)  

How's life in your part of the world, whoever or wherever you are?  

Things are moving along as well as they can this first couple of weeks of 2021.  My kiddos school schedules are all wack and I'm bouncing around like crazy.  Comes with the times, I guess?  

Guess I'll go now … delete 5000 junk comments. check back and Ill tell you exactly how many it was!! 

Remember me ?

So after some thought, mind you it wasn't much. After 4 children and break from everything I haven't much room left for thoughts... Not the kind that count anyway.  I feel scattered and lost and chasing thoughts as they slip through my finger tips as I walk into the room.  Anyone else feel this way?  

Remember a few years ago when I said I was moving? Well I did.  I moved over to another blog because I thought I would fling some poo over there for a while. Unfortunately   I think those thoughts dried up faster than most.  At least here people expected my ramblings. I think my intentions there were to actually put something thought worthy down. 

All this talk of thoughts.  

How have you been?  I mean those of you who are in fact still there.  I'm still here. Hanging around, trying to do a little of this and a little of that. Always as little as possible. 

I think this will always be home, no matter how long I run …. I'll always think back to you all and how much I loved hanging around here and following along with everyone's lives. 

Wishing you all well and here's to 2021 … 

I'm moving

Well, my dearest dingleberries..
I've all but abandoned this site. I dont know if its the fact that I don't make the time to log in or what exactly I'm doing with my life, well other than raising my children. I can't say that I regret not checking more often, but it pains me and well ... I just don't know if I belong here anymore. I miss you all dearly tho 

This page, it holds  alot of my life.. a lot of the life i led before I became renewed in my faith of Jesus Christ.  

It's with sadness that I will continue not to post here on this page. But I pray some of you will follow me to my other page. 

I'm moving MB love to one of my other pages, if you're savvy you can find it from my profile, it's titled One Monkey's Testimony.. It's also on blogger and I'll share a link for it
here >>>  https://amonkeybuttstestimony.blogspot.com/ <<<

I pray some of you will follow along,  my faith is strong and has been getting so much stronger. I feel like I'm being led in a way to share it with the world. 

I pray you're all well and hope to see you later. I will hopefully be writing daily, so I will hopefully be reading posts for those that I already follow and are still posting.

Love always ..
-Monkey Butt

Happy Sunday

Happy Sunday y'all, I've got a lot going  on in my head these last few days.  Figured I'd drop in and see how everyone's Thanksgiving went?  

It was good here, other than the stomach bug we picked up.  So far it's only hit the twins, praying it stops there. No one likes a stomach bug, or anything that comes with it.  

I blew the dust of the ole lap top tonight, needed to upload some photos and the likes, goodness knows I need to use that option more often since the icloud hates me and I refuse to use it.  haha.

As you can tell holidays have been in full force around here, I tried to get the kids to pick fall colors out of multicolored food sprinkles... This is the face for asking such things, teenagers yo.

Our neked tree, its decorated now. Just no picture on file yet. I had a bit of a fit the other day when we were to go to the tree farm and pick out a tree. I had all these magical ideas of getting us all together and taking a nice photo and this and that, which is absurd I know, I mean there are six of us now.  Well I didn't get out of the car and the family is already headed back to the van telling me that they're too expensive. I went home in full sulk mode.  Sent the husband and teenager to our kroger today to get one of their affordable ones.  Oh well .

I hope you are all well ... 

My granny with my twins.  Love all three of them so much, so blessed to have her and that my kids have her. 

And mostly, this...  On this day, five years ago my mom took her last breaths here on earth. The details of that night have resonated with me since. Some days I'm better at forgetting what it looks like or sounds like, but this week has been a challenge for me. I'm not dropping this in last to leave a sour taste. I thank God for taking her that night, she'd gone through so much, cancer really sucks man.  There was so much bad in losing my Mama MB, but there was so much good too.  I miss her, daily, all the time, forever.  I'm thankful for her, for the time we had with her, though not long enough. It was just what we needed, I guess,. She really left her mark, on her family. 

I found a Christmas card tonight too from a friend who passed away last year, my dear friend Tim.  Sometimes the holidays can be the worst for these things. 

I'm thankful for you guys and gals, my Dingleberries.  I'm glad to have this place to come and ramble on and none of you judge me, well at least not publicly. 

Hang in there friends... 

Much Love from your friendly
Monkey Butt

video update, last one

Ok, last attempt before I just give up. If you’re reading this and was unable to view my video a few weeks ago lease go check it again :)

Thanks

Vlog 1, update

So as some of you noticed, i attempted a video blog and well ... I guess I failed at it, I've no idea why or how... 

If anyone has knowledge please let me know.

I did a video on youtube because I couldn't figure out how to upload a video that wasn't youtube. 

I did however go look at it just now and it does play for me. Please dingleberries, go check it again and see if it works..

Thank you

-Still hanging in there
MB

My first video blog

Stupid toys

My 4 year old would flip for this plane, so of course being Mommy, I go on the hunt for it. Seriously, why does it cost so much on Amazon. I'm going to check ebay and then go to bed .

Stupid toys

-MB

Still Livin

Hey yall!  I'm tired!  It's been a while since I logged in, nothing new there. But I'm still alive and kicking, still missing my Dingleberries!  I hope you are all well.

My boys just turned 4 and 1. They're growing up I guess. Sometimes my head feels weird and I'm like man, where did the time go, they're almost grown.  hahah..

Guess that's just the way it goes. I sure wish my iphone had an app for blogger, would really make my blogging life easier, its hard to get the lap top out most of the time.

Much Love yall

Hang in there friends

Baby Ian

My sister had their baby boy Ian today, their family is complete. His birth brought on a wave of grief for me, because ours didn't go as planned.  Maybe I'm just jealous

So much congrats to my sweet sister and their family