Still doesn't seem real

 I catch myself getting grumpy with certain situations and it's challenging to snap back into my life and what's going on.  I guess in a way it doesn't seem real. "Doesn't seem real" is probably going to be one of those things I say in repetition and seems to still catch me off guard.  Because, like I said this doesn't really seem real.  

Things are in for time to come.  A very unknown time and an unsure time.  But a time none the less.  Thankful for the time we have and prayerful that we will continue to be granted more time.  In the words of Capt. Steven Hiller, "it aint over till the fat lady sings" and I sure don't hear any singing.  

Im not sure I can do this again

 The title of this post says it all. I'm not sure I can do this again.  By this I mean ... cancer.  Don't fret, it's not my diagnosis but rather my husbands.  The man I've known since I was a junior in high school! The same man I broke up with and married and remarried. The same man that I've carried and delivered 4 children for.  My husband has esophageal cancer.  

There's a lot of things I want to say about this, but I just can't find the words.  

For now, I'm still processing. I'm trying to breathe. 

throwing in the flag ...

 So if I'm being honest, there's a list of things I've given up on so far in this life. To list a few I'd have to say, my first marriage, candy crush and drinking (for a while).  Right now I feel heavy in the burden of school.  Because of the state of the world and the situation we are in with the covid numbers rising in our area my kids have been home and on an alternating face to face schedule.  It's mainly because of this that I can truthfully say I have started drinking again, hey what can I say.  The problem runs deep. 

My current serious dilemma though is my teenager.  She's 17  now, I can't believe it, and has the worst attitude ever.  I've never remembered myself acting the way she acts. Perhaps because my family would have knocked my head off, of course I'm a wimp and don't typically strike the children.  Although I have started threatening one of the boys with a spoon and it seems to be working. I joke, but I guess it's not really funny. Yall she's giving me a true run for my money. Its so hard and so difficult and I'm at such a loss. She's going to fail, without a doubt and she's going to have to retake some courses, but it seems as though she doesn't care at all.  I don't know what to do. I know I'm rambling and that wasn't my intentions. 

What are you thoughts?  How are you today? 

Lord help

For those checking back ...

there was like 1000 junk comments. Lord help 

Junky comments

We are all familiar with comments and how exciting they are, but with my first comment in a while I see I have about a million junk comments on old posts.  Any idea how to delete them in bulk :)  

How's life in your part of the world, whoever or wherever you are?  

Things are moving along as well as they can this first couple of weeks of 2021.  My kiddos school schedules are all wack and I'm bouncing around like crazy.  Comes with the times, I guess?  

Guess I'll go now … delete 5000 junk comments. check back and Ill tell you exactly how many it was!! 

Remember me ?

So after some thought, mind you it wasn't much. After 4 children and break from everything I haven't much room left for thoughts... Not the kind that count anyway.  I feel scattered and lost and chasing thoughts as they slip through my finger tips as I walk into the room.  Anyone else feel this way?  

Remember a few years ago when I said I was moving? Well I did.  I moved over to another blog because I thought I would fling some poo over there for a while. Unfortunately   I think those thoughts dried up faster than most.  At least here people expected my ramblings. I think my intentions there were to actually put something thought worthy down. 

All this talk of thoughts.  

How have you been?  I mean those of you who are in fact still there.  I'm still here. Hanging around, trying to do a little of this and a little of that. Always as little as possible. 

I think this will always be home, no matter how long I run …. I'll always think back to you all and how much I loved hanging around here and following along with everyone's lives. 

Wishing you all well and here's to 2021 … 

I'm moving

Well, my dearest dingleberries..
I've all but abandoned this site. I dont know if its the fact that I don't make the time to log in or what exactly I'm doing with my life, well other than raising my children. I can't say that I regret not checking more often, but it pains me and well ... I just don't know if I belong here anymore. I miss you all dearly tho 

This page, it holds  alot of my life.. a lot of the life i led before I became renewed in my faith of Jesus Christ.  

It's with sadness that I will continue not to post here on this page. But I pray some of you will follow me to my other page. 

I'm moving MB love to one of my other pages, if you're savvy you can find it from my profile, it's titled One Monkey's Testimony.. It's also on blogger and I'll share a link for it
here >>>  https://amonkeybuttstestimony.blogspot.com/ <<<

I pray some of you will follow along,  my faith is strong and has been getting so much stronger. I feel like I'm being led in a way to share it with the world. 

I pray you're all well and hope to see you later. I will hopefully be writing daily, so I will hopefully be reading posts for those that I already follow and are still posting.

Love always ..
-Monkey Butt