Day 63, 365 days of 2011

hahaha... Happy day 63, I gots my new phone going today, *high fives*, Im glad. I miss my old phone, already. *cries* But I will get use to this one, soon enough!  :)  Anyways.. I set the camera thing to say :"Say Cheese" it had me laughing my arse off.  As you can tell above.  Im noticing I look whiter than normal thanks to the flash.  Holybloodyhell I've never had a camera phone with a flash. Purdy Nifty.  NIFTY,  I like that word... It's....Well... Nifty I guess.  ha ha ha! 

Im officially caught up on my 365 days post.  *pats self on back*. I believe, am hoping anyway, Im coming down from, well, one stress of my life.  Sigh.... For that I am glad!  I talked to my mom tonight and she even SOUNDS better. Im so glad.  Now maybe I can rest at night, perhaps get some sleep!  I think my vacation this year shall be a camping trip, for a WEEK no cell phones allowed and if I can break the addiction, no facebook the whole time, that means no blogger. Im already sweating!  How terrifying?

Now to the things Im slacking on... 1, and the most important... The gym. My knees aren't hurting and tomorrow after I attempt the writing test for a motorcycle license, I'm off to the gym!  For real!

2.. My book. Ive yet to finish reading "the girl who kicked the hornets nest" damnit.  I love reading, it is my most favorite thing to to. I'm neglecting what I love. And for what?  New, half witted ideas.  Doesn't make sense does it?!!  Shakes my head.

I have a lunch date tomorrow, I almost forgot, how exciting. A girl friend of mine asked if I wanted to have lunch, how rare and unexpected.  It's exciting. Im excited.  haha

Good night my friends, fellow bloggers, readers and oh so faithful followers.  I was ranting the other night and intended on doing so you to all as well, but of course, I've yet to get it done.  Tomorrow... It's on my list. My list of things to complete for tomorrow.

Day 62, 365 Days of 2011

Yesterday, oh yesterday, where have gone? 

Ha Ha. I forgot about this one? How do you forget yesterday you ask?  Well it's easy with a life and schedule like mine. I've been thinking a lot about vacation. Actually promised my daughter yesterday that I would take her to Six Flags over Ga!  How exciting, being as I haven't been since the year before she was conceived. Should be a lot of fun! 

I'm lost as to where I want to vaca. this year!  Ideas?!! 

Day 61, 365 days of 2011

Appears as though this was a good day. Indeed it was. It was actually a great weekend to be honest. Filled with fun and friends. I loved every minute of it to be honest. Even got myself up and going to the gym both days!  High Fives!

Dream a little weird dream....

I feel my heart break as I stare at my now motherless child. She's sad, appears lost and confused. Shattered is all I can feel.

Today I sit as fearful and dreadful as I've ever been that I would ever die and leave my child at such an early age. I fell asleep last night with pondering of an "afterlife". My mothers uncle spoke of a near death experience while under care for heart attack.  I'm not sure why the thoughts came to me in bed.  I'm not sure why I let my imagination roam at bedtime. It's frustrating to say the least.

I've no idea how I ended up dead in my dream last night. It was very strange, because I die and then chose to go into the "light"  You all have heard about the light?  Well I go into this light and crawl out of a tent. What the fuck? My heaven is a campsite in Helen, GA?  Damn.  It's shortly after this event, and I'm not alone with this. It was strange, a faceless person, tall person was my companion. No idea. Seemed familiar, the man that is, but I've no idea exactly who he was.  So then I see my daughter, all alone, sad, confused and lost. Seems like she's on a playground, perhaps at school.  I'm devastated.  At one point, I come behind her and stroke  her hair and she knows I'm there, we chat for a minute and it seems like there is an "angel" or something telling me it won't be so bad, they aren't so cruel as to keep me from what I love.  But I'm struggling with the words trying to explain to my daughter what happened.

I'm in tears now just thinking about the tragedy, the terribly horrible thoughts I have regarding this matter. I believe, today, I'm more afraid of an afterlife than none at all. To sit and wander in la-la land unseen and unknown and watch everything and everyone you love live their lives, to suffer and mourn the loss and tears and sadness.  Also there is the thoughts of going to a place like heaven or hell and knowing those I love are far away on earth.  I can't see them can't talk to them, watch them grow NOTHING.  Just sit and wait with hopes that one day they too come to Heaven.  Going into the "light" seems like the most selfish act I would ever make.  Leaving.  It's fucking redonkulous!

Death fucking sucks. I'm terrified, only for today, with my thoughts and the haunting dream of last night!  I woke up mortified at the thoughts. I know where it all stems, like I said, for some reason I was thinking about what my mothers uncle was saying about his near death experience . In regards to the campsite, a friend of mine was mentioning camping in Helen over the weekend, due to the weather, that didn't happen.  I miss my daughter so very much and will make sure to get my big hugs and smooches today when I pick her up from daycare. She's been with her Dad all weekend.  The only real downfall to divorce.  Sharing my daughter! 

To clarify the strangeness for me.  I've my doubts in religion. I've no idea what's true and what's fairy tale.  Forgive my ignorance. My thoughts began to roam last night when I began to worry there is a God or Jesus and made me question why he would make my Mom go through so much in her 47 years of life. I'm just not sure. It's just not fair! 

Playing Catch-up, 365 days of 2011

So here lately, as you all know (may have noticed) I'm neglecting many many things. Because of stress and lack of sleep, being oh so tired, and of course life, work, my daughter. I'm out of energy.  It's coming back, slowly...  So here is  a list of things I'm neglecting...

For starters... I've fallen behind, again, on my 365 Days of  2011 posts... Ugh... I plan to catch up RIGHT NOW.... DAMNIT!

Day 55,

Soooooooo tired..... This was Monday night, after the day of hospital fun!  :)

Day 56,

Still tiiiiirrrreeed. But I look a little happier! 

Day 57,

Ahhhhh got some sleep, stayed up late, playing  catching up my blogger and facebook.  ha ha.

Day 58,

Went to see my Mom that night. She looks better.  Seems as though most of her pain is her black eyes. Poor thing.  She's such a trooper though!  High Fives for Super Mom!

Day 59, (Pst... That's today, YESSSSS)

Ahhhh today at work.  What a long, boring day.  It's over now and I'm off to bed... YAY

Made it to the gym tonight and had an OK dinner. so all in all, I'm not neglecting too many things right now. This project and the gym were the 2 big ones. The 2 I don't want to neglect, because I'm trying to get it all right!

Have a great weekend, fellow bloggers, my readers and followers.

You might call me a good tipper?

We went to dinner a few nights ago, I forget the day. We have our favorite Mexican Restaurant here by work. It's the best we have found so far. Let me tell you, it's really hard here to find GOOD Mexican and GOOD Chinese.. The Chinese is harder than most things. We finally found a good one, but that's a story for another day.

We can usually always be found in the Mexican restaurant at least once a week. They have dollar taco nights on Thursday, woo hoo, that's today!  I finally drug my arse into Kroger last night. Brought my lunch to work today and my daughter wanted to take her lunch as well. High Fives!

Back to it..

We were in the restaurant last week or something and the waiter, who has waited on us before, was totally having a bad night. I could tell!  I waited tables for a while in my younger days and I may have blogged before, but I genuinely enjoyed waiting tables. It was a lot of fun and of course it has it's ups and downs, but really, what doesn't?  So he was having a bad night. I'm okay with that. He was getting the order right and doing his job, he just wasn't to HAPPY about it!  That's fine. The meal proceeds and everything is good, as always. He forgets the cheese dip, the  part my daughter most enjoys! No big deal, he brings  it out and says he won't charge us for it!  *high fives*

The "manager" comes by. Checking on us, as she always does. She knows us well, because, like I said, we are always in there!  She asking how things are, are we being taken care of, yadda yadda.  Well the waiter comes back.  "Mr. of the Apartment" ask him, who she is.  Like manager?  owner?  what. She's the owner.  Then he goes defensive, saying they aren't getting along tonight, what exactly did she say. I was like, huh, weird... Oh well..

So then it all wraps up and we are ready to get out of there. He brings the check and I'm looking at it dumbfounded, because it's so cheap!  Turns out, he didn't charge for the drinks nor the cheese dip.  Oh wow!  I would say woo hoo, saves me money.  But I tip the poor fella 10 bucks for his bad night!  I didn't see him again before we took off, but hopefully he smiled a little when he saw that! 

Enjoy your dinner, everyone!

Dear Readers,

Let me start by saying, thank you and I love you all!  You are all so very sweet for your comments and positive vibes for my Mom's surgery.  Here is my update. But first, I am so sorry it's taken me so long to post this.  

We did in fact make it in time, it was nerve wrecking to leave her all drunken on liquid Valium, the nurse tells me as I'm walking away that she (my mom) was getting upset.  Oh lawd, my nerves kicked in full blast.  We then....waited....and waited...and waited... It was TERRIBLE!  The nurse told a lie when she said they would call about every hour.  They in fact did NOT call every  hour.  Another stressful part of it. I walked around, paced when possible and after many trips to the cafeteria, the lady at check out asked me if I had eaten.  Of course I haven't ate anything. "I will eat when my Mom is out of surgery" is all I could muster the guts to say.  With a shy smile I grabbed my sodas and headed back upstairs.  It was one of the most stressful days of my life so far. I worried myself sick and sadly, smoked cigarettes all day. (I forgot my nicotine patches at home) Mind you, I am still a NON SMOKER! 

I looked at my Dad as often as possible, he looked a lot like me, worried sick.  Scared to fucking death and the calls were not coming..... 

FINALLY a call!  They have finished and she is in RECOVERY.  EVERYTHING WENT FINE.  SHE IS TALKING AND ALERT.

Oh the news to my ears.  I was sooo happy. We were all so very relived.  It was the best news EVER!  My Dad sighed his relief and was finally able to leave the waiting room. My dad never once left that phone, left that waiting room.  The 3 hours + it took them to complete the surgery.

A while later the nurse caught us and advised they were taking Mom upstairs and that if we hurry we could catch her coming off the elevator. I forced myself up front with Dad and yelled back for my Sister, being as she wasn't able to be there at 6am that morning to see Mom off, she was so upset about that, I managed to rub her back and calm her down during her moments of weakness. We rushed up the elevators, I'm cussing and ranting it needs to hurry and get me there, finally, the doors open and I'm off like a rocket again.  In through the other doors and she hasn't arrived yet. High fives.  The door opens, there is my Mom!  Ahhhhhh sooo happy.  Her eyes are shut and I think she is asleep, they tell me she is alert and instantly I yell her name. She opens her eyes and I grab her hand and tell her we're here. I moved back and forced my Dad and Sister up to her, my sister is in tears.  I rub her back and they take Mom away to ICU. I grab my Dad and hug him and when in the waiting room I take hold of my sister and just tell her everything is OK.  We are so happy! 

To save you all the rest. My mom is okay. Things are good. She is in a room outside of ICU today, she is walking, talking and eating. Has a headache, which is a given. They cut her for the center of her forehead down to her ear, shaved some of her hair line and her face was swollen on the left side slightly the day of and more so yesterday. 

Thanks to everyone who prayed for her and our family.  It is with great joy I tell you I'M GLAD YOU ALL CARE!  I lub you all who follow me and push me through these rough times.  You all inspire me to believe everything will be okay!   :)